What you're actually kind of doing is turning the world into a totalitarian nightmare. And although the notion of a "benevolent dictator" should work in theory, you do sometimes get cranky, don't you?
Maybe there's a limit to how much better you can safely make the world. Let's scale it back a bit.
Go To The Bathroom In Your Yard, Then Throw It Into Your Neighbors' Yards
This seems like a happy medium. We've reduced the scale to something that is more manageable for one person and removed the blood-draining that was causing so many problems.
Both ethical and laundry-related.
Not only does this punish your neighbors for unneighborly complaining about your yard-pooping, it will help mark a larger portion of territory around your house, discouraging bear and wolf intrusions. That's got to make the world better.
Better still, do it while wearing a sweater.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and will make the world a different place, at minimum. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
Is Chris Bucholz actually helping the world? If he can do it, then we all can right? Eh, maybe we'll just leave it to the people in 4 People Who Really Are Making The World A Better Place. Or maybe we could just focus on how the world actually isn't so bad. David Wong points out that we constantly compare our real world to a fluffy utopia we've created in our mind in 7 Reasons The World Looks Worse Than It Really Is.
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