McDonald's has already begun to require employees to answer a series of wellness checks upon clocking in at work. The questions themselves are laughably obvious, including things like "Are you showing any symptoms of COVID-19?" And "Have you been diagnosed with COVID-19?" ("Oh, really? You have been? Then go the F home!") But all the same we're glad such a measure has been put in place. And we're equally glad (if not also disturbed) by the fact that soon they will require employees to also take routine temperature checks.

Now we know what you're thinking. "A loss of taste is a symptom of Coronavirus, correct? Couldn't they just test employees by seeing who is able to stomach a Filet O Fish?" It's a good thought, but remember many people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic meaning there might be people who would still be secretly carrying the disease and still taste every bit of processed cheese and old fish.

Working For McDonalds Is Going To Get Even More Annoying But It's For The Best
Solomon203/Wiki Commons
Someday this will double as a medical device.

No, the reality of our dystopian present is that someone is going to stick a thermometer in (what is hopefully) the throat of every worker who shows up for their minimum wage job and it will actually be the right thing to do. Fast-food workers are essential right now, as they help provide medical workers with access to cheap, convenient food after a long shift. So, in many ways, your burnout nephew working the drive-thru window is as much a hero as the nurse in the ICU intubating a patient or the grocery store security guard keeping morons from licking all the deodorant.

Hopefully, someday soon, there will come a time in which people are paid at least a living wage to be put in situations in which they might no longer be living. Until that time Mcdonald's employees will have to be subjected to being probed by dumb thermometers and even dumber questions. The fate of humanity rests on it.

Top Image: Bobak Ha'Eri/Wiki Commons

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