Politicians Whose Pop Culture Ignorance Is Real (And Hilariously) Clear

This came during an interview where Cruz discussed his incorrect belief that Captain Kirk would have been a Republican in our era (IRL Kirk would actually have bounced between various polycules before dying of something called "mega-herpes" at age 23). But his Rorschach comments drew the most attention since that character is less of a traditional superhero and more of a dangerous lunatic. Dude's basically a human face mask from being an actual serial killer. Say what you will about the Punisher, he's very unlikely to burst out of a Colgate executive's fridge, screaming about fluoridated toothpaste.

The choice was particularly unfortunate, because it gradually becomes clear that Rorschach harbors a disturbing hatred of women, gay people, liberals, the poor, and using some goddamn soap from time to time. And a lot of people think those same things about one Ted Cruz. Except for the last one, since Cruz consistently has a shower soaked look in every media appearance to date.

To be fair, Rorschach is definitely the protagonist of Watchmen, but that story was written to deconstruct the very idea of a superhero. As a result, it doesn't contain any, with the various masked vigilantes ranging from far-right nutjobs (Comedian, Rorschach) to well-meaning incompetents (Nite Owl). The only characters with anything approaching superpowers either lose interest in humanity (Dr. Manhattan) or become grandiose narcissists who view the rest of us as something between children and gerbils (Plot-Twist Man). Aside from Squidy, the famous super-squid we all love, there isn't an actual hero in the whole thing. Sure, Rorschach isn't 100% bad and has a pretty sympathetic backstory, but so does Joaquin Phoenix's Joker and it'd still be weird to name him as your favorite superhero.

Rubio has talked about his love for Tupac in multiple interviews, citing "Killuminati" as one of his favorite songs, alongside N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton" and Eminem's "Lose Yourself." According to Rubio, Tupac was "someone who was trying to inform us about what was going on." Which is true, but does ignore Tupac's repeated attempts to inform us of his contempt for the American government and conservative politics, both of which Rubio is now a key figure in. He really listened to Killuminati's lines about "visions of over-packed prisons" and "pressures and three strikes" and then went on to vote against easing the three-strikes rule?

It's very unclear what Rubio, who is against pretty much all drug legalization and sentencing reform, is getting out of Tupac songs about the federal government encouraging the crack epidemic to keep black people in prison. In fact, he generally doesn't seem to like it when rappers get political, which is why he swooned onto a full-length fainting couch when Snoop Dogg appeared in a music video pretending to shoot Donald Trump with a cartoon-style joke gun. Rubio claimed the video was dangerous and could inspire people to assassinate Trump for real. And to be clear, he's talking about this:

Doggystyle RecordsThis is just like when Oswald was inspired to squirt JFK with a big fake buttonhole flower.

Rubio actually seems to have stopped listening to most rap at some point around 1997. He's claimed Eminem is the only modern rapper, "with any sort of depth" -- which is the standard opinion of middle-aged dudes, that exclusively experience new music only when walking past the caddy shack of their country club.

In an interview with Errol Morris, Trump said his advice to Kane would be "get yourself a different woman." Over the course of the movie, Kane is divorced by two different women, with the breakdown in both relationships being entirely his fault. Again, it's clear that Kane's personal demons will never allow him to have a successful relationship, but for Trump that's fine. Kane should just find a wife who's okay with being married to an unfaithful, controlling jackass. All Trump's sympathies go to the rich guy, unfairly criticized just for publicly cheating on the president's niece.

It's actually kind of fascinating, because it would be pretty much physically impossible for the average person to misinterpret the movie this way. But for Trump, who's pretty close to being a Kane tribute act, it makes total sense. It's like watching Lord of the Rings with your close friend Azargoth, Skull-Lord of the Mountain Deathlands. He's probably going to end up rooting for the wrong team.

Politico even uncovered 15-year-old messages on a Bruce Springsteen listserv, where a young Christie discusses taking his six-year-old son to a Springsteen concert and a fairly charming encounter with the Boss himself on a flight to New Jersey. Either this is a political long game worthy of The Manchurian Candidate or Chris Christie really, genuinely loves New Jersey's greatest rock icon. Which is actually a little unfortunate, because the feeling is not mutual.

As a musician, Springsteen has long championed the struggles of working-class New Jerseyzens. Chris Christie, on the other hand, presided over deep spending cuts that brutally hurt those same working-class people. Springsteen refused to perform at his inauguration and later penned an open letter calling Christie out on cutting taxes on the wealthy while also slashing public services. According to Springsteen, Christie's "cuts are eating away at the lower edges of the middle class, not just those already classified as in poverty, and are likely to continue to get worse." Not his catchiest work, but you get the picture.

The pair reconciled a little after Hurricane Sandy, because clinging together on a strip club door floating toward the Jersey Shore will do that to you, but rapidly fell out again after Springsteen appeared on Jimmy Fallon to mock Christie's traffic lane closure scandal. By 2015, Christie was prepared to commit the ultimate betrayal by publicly claiming he now preferred Bon Jovi to Springsteen, which is something not even Bon Jovi would dare to say. His political career has obviously not recovered.

This prompted a ton of think-pieces calling it the worst case of misaimed fandom since John Hinckley. RATM's music is very in-your-face about their left-wing beliefs and sincere loathing of conservative politics. Mitt Romney's running mate claiming to be a fan is kind of like the Queen claiming she always rocks out to the Sex Pistols. Or a soap tycoon claiming they love Post Malone. Back off Dr. Bronner, this just isn't for you!

After some criticism, and questions about exactly what proportion of those who work forces are the same as burn crosses, Ryan started backpedaling so fast he Flash-jumped to 1903 and lost the first Tour de France. According to Ryan, he actually liked RATM's "sound" but not their lyrics. Furthermore, they were never actually his favorite band, which had always been Led Zeppelin. Although it's unclear how he squares that with Zeppelin's 1975 hit "Wisconsin Five-Year-Old Paul Ryan Is A Huge Dipshit Who Should Never Be Elected" (later renamed "Kashmir").

By that point even Tom Morello, RATM's famously shy and retiring guitarist, felt compelled to speak out. In an article for Rolling Stone, Morello wrote "Ryan claims that he likes Rage's sound, but not the lyrics. Well, I don't care for Paul Ryan's sound or his lyrics ... Don't mistake me, I clearly see that Ryan has a whole lotta "rage" in him: A rage against women, a rage against immigrants, a rage against workers, a rage against gays, a rage against the poor, a rage against the environment. Basically the only thing he's not raging against is the privileged elite he's groveling in front of for campaign contributions." That one's gotta sting a little.