A Thanksgiving Cracked Round-Up

Blah blah blah, witty banter. Blah blah blah, sweeping insult directed at all commenters. Blah blah blah, comedy articles.

It's Thanksgiving weekend. We're tired. Give us a break.


Well, it's here. Enjoy the Gladstone's Farewell Hate By Numbers. That's all. For now. Meanwhile, Bucholz is still here and still talking about action figures. Also, we have a new columnist named Robert, and he's an alcoholic. Also meanwhile, Swaim talks aboutExtinction, and DOB wastes everyone's time.

FILTHY RICH!
5 Ways to Get Rich Without a Single Discernible Skill
Though, we like to think being a sperm donor is kind of a skill. If it wasn't a skill, how come we're so good at it?
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Notable Comment:Mr_Hym wonders "And how exactly are you gonna donate sperm?" Oh, okay, oh boy. This...This shouldn't be our responsibility, this is really something your parents or health teacher should teach you. But, uh...when a man loves himself- like, really loves himself- and he wants to earn some money for...Yikes, we'll send you a pamphlet or something.


COKE PRESENTS COKE GAME! COKE!
The 10 Least Subtle Product Placements in Video Game History
This never would've happened if the fine folks behind delicious Sierra Mist were in charge.
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Notable Comment: Holy Crap, these comments make it seem like "Cool Spot" was the highest selling game of all time. Yeesh.

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iTARD!
The 15 Most Completely Useless iPhone Apps
"Look, sales are low and iPhones are already pretty stupid. What I'm wondering is, can we make them more stupid? Also, charge more money?

Notable Comment:N-Cognito says "WhyTF does the lightsaber app have a picture of General Kota? That guy is barely a jedi. Seriously, he stops being a jedi when he gets his eyes gouged out even though seeing without your eyes is the first thing a jedi learns. What a loser," and he is in no way being ironic. And this is hilarious.


CRACKEDSGIVING!
5 Most Insane Versions of Thanksgiving Around the World
Kind of makes our idiotic holiday look less idiotic by comparison, right? No? Whatever. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Notable Comment:In what will surprise no one who has spent any time reading comments, Wallsy bitches in an absurdly over-the-top manner, this time about our use of the word "welp." He claims we meant "well," though we respectfully disagree. Eat dick. We know what we meant to say.


WOW!
6 Things You Didn't Want to Know about World of Warcraft
"WOW" as in World of Warcraft and "Wow, I can't believe you people waste so much time on this ridiculous game."
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Notable Comment: Our fans know an embarrassing amount about World of Warcraft, which makes us very, very sad.



NET_WORK!
Sometimes Innovation is a Bad Thing
This is why O'Gorman will never make it in the candy business.
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YOU YOU YOU!
20 Bond Devices That Didn't Make the Cut
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Most Tasteless Holiday Decorations.


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

11.27.08:

2058: The year man finally captures God
by CaptainCarl

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Editor's pick:

I'll take that one.
by bcanders

11.26.08:

What the f**k is that?! Oh, a lesbian couple.
by dano

Editor's pick:

Jolly green giant during his awkward teenage years...
by drroxxette

11.25.08:

"Hi, I'm an IBM"
"And I'm a Commodore 64"

by schadenfreude9

Editor's pick:

There were no survivors.
by VladTheUmpire

11.24.08:

Here, I think this fell out of your.... Ummm, you dropped this sir.
by Frigga

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Editor's pick:

You know son, there was a time when a white man and a silver man weren't even allowed to use the same bathroom.
by GaseousClay

11.23.08:

Let's sit in the back row, but not next to each other, people might think we're fags.
by Cheekstheclown

Editor's pick:

Little Tammy gasped in horror. It was the water spout that killed her family and now it was back for her.
by fastolaf

11.22.08:

I feel a great disturbance in the force...as if a million voices cried out in pain and fear at once...
by Mudslingshot

Editor's pick:

Opening night at Club InyourEndor
by Tommyg

11.21.08:

.... and THIS little piggy started an orgy.
by zero82

Editor's pick:

Where do you put the coins!?!?!
by jtklove

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