phreesh
"The one in orange. No, not that one. On the left. No, my-- Fuck it, I'll get it myself."
Plan B
Finally, the world's biggest prostate will get the exam it has so hungrily waited for.
phreesh
If you use the right kind of glasses, you can see how God, the puppetmaster, works.
Leaf
God chooses the next 'chosen people'. The Chinese read up on Jewish history and beg God to choose again!!!
capricia13
"Eenie, Meenie Minie Moe" is taken very seriously in some places. Trust me, you don't want to be "Moe"
jfbeltran
One of the least known implications of String Theory is an abnormality called "the String Giant"
dying_in_back
'Art thou Adam? Art thou Adam? Art thou Eve? Art thou Adam? Jesus tap-dancing Christ, I turn Mine back for just a moment and I'm up to Mine asshole in ye folk.'
haefi
You can’t imagine how stressful it is to put 300 orange dwarfs on a lesh and take them for a walk.
kagezan
And Lord Shrek chose Peg, the ambiguously butch lesbian from hardware as the Walmart Parade's most pathetic marcher.
Fkelleghan
The Men in Orange were just as good at capturing aliens, but they would never be as famous as the Men in Black.
Leaf
Job felt uneasy when God pointed him out. He felt even worse when the devil gave God the thumbs up and then they shook on some kind of deal....
Bioked
'Don't do that you will make God upset' 'If I am making him upset why doesn't he strike me dowm huh?... Oh shit'
redman
Metallicas death at the hands of the master of puppets showed nature had a wonderful sense of irony
lothspell
While the parade director laughed at his little prank, a young L. Ron Hubbard realized his life's calling.
CDDF
And the Lord said unto his people "Alright, jokes over, cut me loose you bastards!"
Leaf
"God spoke to me!!!" "Really?! What did he sound like??" "His voice was high and squeaky for some reason...."
Leaf
The 11th commandment: "Thou shalt not pass gas and deny responsibility For the Lord thy God will point thee out."
Batman?
God, in an moment of awkwardness tripped, and fell into the middle of Atheist's United Parade.
Falcoteer
300 yards of rope: $150 Matching uniforms: $2,000 Tickets to the Macy's Day Parade: Free Pulling Shrek's giant finger: Horrible, horrible mistake
Jarhead
White people believe in a white God, black people in a black God, and asian people, well,......I'll just stop before this gets racist.
baronvonkickass
Gulliver traveled to NYC only to find that all his vacations end the same way
elduque
The NBC's Chris Hanson To Catch A Predetor Thanksgiving Day ballon was a HUGE success
phreesh
When the giant came to feed, you didn't want to be wearing a bright orange vest.
Izlude
"great, of all the Jobs i could've had in the parade, I got stuck holding up Shrek's crotch"
HamBaconEgg
Obviously, this was a tribute to Shrek, don't you just wish they did it for Tomb Raider instead?
Hamper
Parading Gulliver through the streets like a common parade float was the last straw. The Liliputions would pay. They would all pay.
JadeDruid
Timmy knew he looked stupid without a red vest. But for GOD to point at him and laugh, that was just too much.
pirate
1 Peter 5:6 "Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of Shrek, so that at the proper time he may exalt you."
wordywonder
And years of Christianity came apart before their eyes as they discovered that God was actually... Shrek?!?
Batman?
"I know believe in God" "I know! There's practically no line in Starbucks! There MUST be a God!"
scabbalicious
"YOU!!!! Yes, you, Jonathan McTavish of 229 East 3rd Street. I saw YOU masturbating this morning!"
Truthiness
"And god has reached through the sky and pulled his fucking arm down just to crush you down."
stapleears
At first Mark thought it was funny that a giant's poo was shaped like a hand.
capricia13
Piece by piece the 3d reconstruction of the Sistine Chapel is moved into place as many bewildered people look on.
chromigula
In a disturbing twist of fate, Shrek found himself in the land of the Lilliputians. Unfortunately for him, they were celebrating their annual "Eat a Giant" festival.
Anthony_H
-"Why so many people working at the Macy's Parade this year?" -"They used to work for Lehman Brothers..."
hillzagold
Buzz Lightyear: WHAT IS THAT? Squeeze Toy Aliens: The hand chooses who will stay and who will go.
SUPERNAUT44
Not a lot of craptions at 3:05!!! People too fucked up from Black Wednesday/turkey
microhendy
We are proud to introduce, the new mascot of Texas... THE STAY-PUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN!
Bobby Bobby
The Shrek balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade didn't draw as much attention this year as the UAW bailout march.
Leaf
Tired of all the work involved, God decides to pick out the next Messiah by a process of Eenie, Meeny, Miney, Moe.
HardcoreMax
"Help, my arm's stuck in this spiderweb! OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS??!!"
faith229
WHY DONT THEY JUST GIVE UP ON THE FUCKING SHREK FRANCHISE ALREADY!!! GETTING GOD INVOLVED IS NOT GOING TO BRING EDDIE MURPHY'S CAREER BACK, CAN YOU NOT JUST ACCEPT THAT?
worlock93
And god spread forth his hand and spoke "You, yeah you with the tuba, learn to march in synch, douchbag." So sayeth the Lord.
dirtyboykelker7
OMG WHAT IS THAT IT CAN'T BE REAL> EVERYBODY THERE IS A SALE AT STARBUCKS
penismighty
"Jebus! When you told us you were missing small parts of Shrek's float, we didn't know you meant you only had his fucking hand! Whatever, parade's on!"
b4llkrok
God: "you there! yes, you! say your prayers or else..." Guy: "or else what!?" God: "exactly..."
penismighty
Seconds before the atrocity caused by the broken hand from Shrek's Statue during the New York Elf Parade.
SsnakeBite
The annual Ghostbusters Enthusiasts For Protection Against Giant StayPuff Marshmallow Man march was a huge success!
cuddlesmcstig
Shrek's attempt to switch the blame for the foul odors wasn't fooling anyone.
Leaf
God announces the 11th commandment: "PICK THAT STARBUCKS CUP BACK UP AND DISPOSE OF IT PROPERLY, YOU LAZY SHIT! IT WOULDN'T HURT TO BUY A TRAVEL MUG, YOU SELFISH BASTARD! Yes, you're a bastard.. I know.." Who knew God was so green?
Fkelleghan
Unlike wages today, balloon-puppets continue to grow in proportion with inflation.
Fkelleghan
Many believe that God keeps Himself out of our daily affairs, but in fact He is quite the micromanager.
Fkelleghan
As in many Arab societies, the alien civilization also punished thieves by amputing a hand.
Fkelleghan
Not Pictured: the balloon advertising the hand-held device sponsored by this parade.
littleyoyo
OH I GET IT!! ITS GILLIGAN'S ISLAND!! but...between you and me...you can see the strings moving the giant...
haefi
Cheerfully celebrating the giant with the green thumb, who came to plant…his giant feet on those dumb hippies.
technobot
The Google Map's new live action feature which allows users to add pins to real life locations was great..until random pins fell from the sky and crushed everyone in New York City.
Indigo_Dingo
You know what they say about guys with big hands? Yeah, they hover above us and control our every move.
technobot
The city finally defeats the giant cursor thanks to the ingenious blue screen of death ray.
mactheknife
"... and by God's green fingers, he shot down bolts of lighten- oh, nevermind, thats just Shrek."
lankster1972
as the new early release program is launched,tony wishes he have chosen the old fashioned electronic tag.
CaptainTerror
Carl, the fez wearing maniac, was the only one to notice that Shrek was coming, and he did nothing to stop his new reign over humanity.
Sylocat
Unfortunately for Jerry, God was omniscient, and so could automatically identify the mastermind behind the "tying up God while He sleeps" prank.
Sylocat
Once captured and bound, God was interrogated until He finally agreed to identify the mole.
thespanishfool
You there! Yes you! I saw what you did last night! You sicken me, I hope your vest chokes you!
mournblade
"And as we pass by Morgan-Stanley, we can witness the miracle of a giant marshmallow giving birth to a baby Cthulhu. Only in New York. . . ."
Kahool
Conversation between God and Yoda in Heaven: God: See that guy right there? Yoda: Who? Him? God: NO, DON'T POINT!!
markrrose
Shrek thought he'd be embraced once revealing himself to the public. Shows how much a troll knows.
UncleByBlood
Few people are aware that the first draft of Gulliver's Travels was a Christmas story and involved Lilliputians bringing down Santa Claus.
UncleByBlood
Sadly, once again humanity remained painfully ignorant of the Lord's presence, despite his increasingly flamboyant attempts to get their attention.
corvetteken
And on the 4th day god sayth onto his people "pullith my finger" and lo it was funny
eenriquez007
It's amazing! You come to New York to see the Thanksgiving Day Parade only to find out it's a Gay Construction Worker's Day Parade!! Thankfully Shrek pointed out who the straight guy is!
WLTwitch
The new logo of the Boy Scouts of America: the giant leatchery hand of a pedophile.
WLTwitch
The Ghostbusters Club has been hit hard by the economy too. The Annual Dont Cross the Streams parade just isnt the same without colored strings.
toacosmo
What the humans didn't know was that the creature they captured wasn't the real Jolly Green Giant, but rather a decoy.
julesrules
While most people were thankful for the turkey, LSD Lou was mostly thankful for 'the hand'.
toacosmo
And ye; God descended from the heavens and thus he spake: I chooseth you, Pikachu!
Sanjuro
It turns out the message of prejudice that the movie Shrek conveyed was not outdated.
Crackednutter
Proof that god sees us like ants, and he does not need a lens to fry the fuck out of sinners... and craption writers.
iceman_419
Unfortunately for John, God had to let everyone know that he didn't wash his hands after leaving the bathroom.
SurvivalRate10
"What's that, mommie?" "Oh nothing, Billy, just the great lord shining his light unto the saviour of man."
emc
and in todays news verizon holds God hostage untill all prayers are sent via the verizon network.
NeverLetGo
You! Hey, you! YEAH! I'm talkin' to you! Go get me a venti white mocha latte, or it's burn in hell forever!
bridger74
I told you we don't need those hideous vests to cross the road, if we're already pulling that giant green hand with us.
mallden
http://www.chipspin.com/2008/11/history-of-cameltoe.html History Of The CamelToe
mallden
http://www.chipspin.com/2008/11/few-cigarettes-day-deadly.html A few cigarettes a day 'deadly'
mallden
http://www.chipspin.com/2008/11/heineken-christmas-tree-ultimate.html Heineken Christmas Tree - The Ultimate Christmas Project
mallden
http://www.chipspin.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-blackberry-pie.html Thanksgiving Blackberry Pie
Sawyer
Toby leaned out his office window and cried "There is no God!" and with three well placed shots of his BB gun, Shrek exploded.
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