CavalierX
Casting calls for the live-action Monopoly movie didn't go as well as hoped...
Brett-Butler
You know, we should've left cookies and milk for Santa like last year, not acid.
Mr.Birchfield
"Good day sir" "Good day sir" "Good day sir" "Good day sir" "Good day sir" "Good day sir" "Good day sir" British live entertainment at its finest
CavalierX
FEAR THE 'STACHE! - the new musical based on the life of UN Ambassador John Bolton.
meat
The guy on the right once pleasured five women at the same time during a brisk afternoon walk.
CavalierX
CitiGroup executives arrive in Washington to beg for a measely few billion dollars.
hoochiscrazy
Does your beard hang low does it wobble to and fro, can you tie it in a knot, Can you straighten it out into a perfect horizontal plane?
MasterBates
Well, were a little understaffed at the moment, these are the only two babysitters we have left.
jpd5066
I guess the Germans did have a response to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but something seems a littel array.
rustytrombone
To avoid being outed as a homosexual, Phil told Roy he'd need a 'beard'. This was misinterpreted with hilarious consequences.
ajp1015
We switched ZZ Top's regualar coffee with new Folger's Crystals...Lets see if they notice!
pirate
MoustacheMan69: Meet me at the bandstand at 9. LuckyLady: Can't wait to finally meet you. How will I recognize you? MoustacheMan69: I'll be the one on the stage with the crazy moustache. You can't miss me.
pirate
Warning on bottle of moustache wax: If erection lasts more than four hours, seek medical attention.
Mr.Birchfield
Inovated body hair techniques, the guy on the left can hang his cane on his beard when not in use and the guy on the right can drink his coffee without dipping his beard in it.
schadenfreude9
After Santa died, the North Pole was disputed between his two stupid sons.
gtrplyr515
And in this moment, standing in his pinstripe suit, John realized that no amount of prize money was worth his dignity
Aeges
Testing for performance enhancing drugs was not mandatory at the international mustache championship, but many thought it should be.
bcanders
And during rutting season, the males of the grey men butt their heads together. Sadly, sometimes, their facial hair becomes intertwined so they cannot release, and they die of starvation.
Vagabundo
The first Saruman and Gandalf prototypes just werent as cool as the actual ones.
gtrplyr515
Damn, they told me if I had a beard I'd get chicks! Where are all the chicks?!
technotard
Bill really needed the prize money, considering the airline charged him for three seats on the flight over.
QuickWit
Sam was kicked out of the competitive mustache world when it was learned that there was performance enhancing drugs in his coffee cup.
LANCEYPOOH
Curly Carl won 3rd place in the Ma(i)nly Mustache Contest. Only slightly discouraged by not qualifying, Stiff Biff promised we'd see "more points" next year.
fairies74
"Hi boys and girls!! This is your old pal Stinky Wheezleteat; and this is a song about a whale, no, its a song about being happy...it's the......"
dying_in_back
'G'day sir! I'm in dire need of a bit of Crisco. Have you any about you?' 'Sorry, used the last bit m'self this morning.'
gtrplyr515
Vladamir was disappointed during his long awaited greatest moment, his beard was neither straight nor long enough.. he looked away in shame
BroccoliRage
"And take it from me, kids, I've been in the streets. I know what's up. Stay away from illegal styling products."
Spamman
What worries me is that the guy on the right doesn't have a number. I think he's just contest staff.
Jenna_Tullwortz
Holy shit, they're back!! Didn't we craption these guys like a couple years ago or so?
kirpuff
Since we have no hair on our head we make up for it in far more creative ways than you ever will
duffman449
The most exciting thing to happen in Nebraska since your mom announced two for one specials.
Kryptos18
Buck's beard-impaling was impressive, but it was Amos' face-tentacles that would kill you.
Royal_Payne
Phil was later disqualified in the annual event after testing revealed Male Enhancement Drugs in his coffee.
Riggz309
You know... I can't help but wonder if this would've ever happened if you had only used your iPod video more often.
kiddo
Always the lesser brother, Boris, clad in a striking black and white striped ensemble, just couldn't compete.
Sedul
Wow! The winner will have the opportunity of a lifetime to orally pleasure the female judges!!!!!
getittwistd
After the 7th retinal injury lawsuit, Johnson decided it was best he change the spking look to something less dangerous. Anderson, however, would end up spending his life savings, as well as serving a short prison term, for his refusal to change.
DamnitDog
"Why is the one on the right grinning?" "Well thats because he is enjoying the crystal clear sound of new HD Radio"
hoochiscrazy
Now men aren't the only one who get of on handlebars you know... mmmmm i would like to twirl my fingers around number 3
Vagabundo
This is how grandpa and grandma used to look. Before we found out they were just batshit insane.
ivecomehomenow
If you think their moustaches are wild, you'll be shocked and awed how they style their pubic hair.
TeamCraption
ZZ Top's New Punk Album does not appeal to the youth of America, quite like they imagined.
Truthiness
"See, guys from the 20's grow their mustaches like this, and guys from the 30's grow their mustaches like this."
Leaf
Okay, this kind of thing has to stop. Will someone please give these guys a couple of samurai swords and stand them in front of a scientology building?!
Grezz
As news spread of Kris Kringle's death entrants came from all over the globe for auditions to be the new Santa.
chromigula
Sadly, there was no winner in this year's Jamie Hyneman lookalike contest. There were, however, two notable mentions.
ivecomehomenow
Axl Rose and Dizzy Reed appear on stage after years of tolling in the studio producing Chinese Democracy.
GoreTaco
I've seen a mustache that is legally a deadly weapon. My life is finally complete.
Izlude
Later, on stage, it became apparent that Jules and Nathanael had just accepted toothless felation behind the curtains from a happy fan
WLTwitch
Glen: Check out that negro with the backwards hat. Rod: Does he know how stupid that looks?
Mr.Lumberjack
"well folks we spent so much time trying to look fucking ridiculous we didn't come up with anything to say."
SlappyMcGee
As the cameras snapped, Slash (left) started to question Axl's (right) makeover for the launch of Chinese Democracy.
getittwistd
The World Retard Championships are often mistaken for the World Beard Championships.
faith229
The auditionees for Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland just keep getting weirder and weirder...
CreepyOldMan
Shouldn't they be old enough to know what to do when they gum in their mustaches?
Brett-Butler
Thanks to the most powerful hairspray known to man (made from Robert Smith's tears), even the bushiest moustache can be Dilberted.
jreese
Next Week on Mythbusters: Hollywood myths - Jamie sets out to determine if semen can in fact be used a a hair styling product.
getittwistd
Frank could double as a 1 person helicopter if spun fast enough. Jules however, just looked funny.
hoochiscrazy
The wind patterns here are disturbing what would otherwise be a perfectly good hair day, dont yer think?
DamnitDog
The other two members were gonna show up, but they didnt like the new costumes.
capricia13
When Martha Stewart branched into male grooming, the results were ..disturbing
Ish
You've got to give the guys from ZZ Top some credit for at least trying to get a job these days.
Riggz309
Warnings of lightning storms couldn't stop ZZ Top from taking the stage that night.
awesomeman
these are the reason their are no children in europe in chitty chitty bang bang
Sourcookies
Why the hell... are you drinking COFFEE at a rock concert? have you no shame?
Mr.Birchfield
The different results from jamming a cane up your ass and drinking your own piss
hoochiscrazy
You know what they say, the more the creative they are with their facial hair.... the more creative they are in bed
sizemorecrew
After ZZ Top held auditions for their replacements, the razor blade industry suffered a heavy handed recession.
bhooker80
Don't get cocky Joe "Chin-wings" McGraw, this beard battle is far from over...
DanFraley
Cecil and Edward were always envious of their more famous brother. Somehow he got the high-paying Monopoly job...
crazyivan
The control, here dressed in black and white stripes, exhibits no change. But on the right, you'll see the unexpected side-effect of Viagra we've uncovered.
DamnitDog
In an effort to get Obama in office sooner, the secret service began slacking off on GW's disquises.
Grezz
As news spread of Santa's worsening condition entrants came from all over the globe in a bid to take his place.
darthtanion
The Terrence brothers couldn't help their reaction when a pretty girl walked past. After all, their mother was one of the Looney Toons.
Sarcasticguy
That's so fucking ridiculous... You shouldn't use THAT mic with THAT fender amp... noobs
duffman449
Curly Joe had prepared for this moment all his life, then that asshole Long Beard McGee walked in with his asshole cowboy boots, and Joe knew he was fucked.
Cremaster
Whats the odds against these guys having a sound technician making funny *boing* noises during their skit?
NeverLetGo
And here I thought it was women who spent the most time styling their hair....
Swaimfan
Yeah, I don't remember much cos we wasted wasted most nights but the tension between the 2 guitarists was really something. On stage they just used to try and one-up each other in, you know, really trivial ways...
Izlude
what you don't know is that they've styled their nipple hair to look like ninja stars
Izlude
Their beards were actually normal until witnessed Verne Troyer straddling Oprah Winfrey in the corner
Phonetics
Between you and me....... There could be someone else with oddly shaped facial hair
booyaa
lets uhh give a nice round of uhhplause for uhh... For whistlin willie and the late beatle juice?
WLTwitch
You see Bobby, the Evil Villain Society's classes are organized by how ridiculous our facial hair looks.
damn_yankee09
While standing next to Uncle Pennybags, Jeb felt embarrassingly underdressed.
julesrules
Texas Pete is unable to conceal the fact that he is indeed, back on 'the stuff".
zacx
I never thought craptions would use a picture that I'd seen before. I'm disappointed cracked
bydonn
P T Barnum and J A Bailey can't help but snicker at the line-up for their next bearded lady selection.....
Batman?
Bill and Joe found some mustache wax. And the rest is history. Some f*cked up history, but history nonetheless.
daniel_ingels
Gerhard was always resentful that his moustache talent was wasted on a you must be this tall gimmick. While Mr. Hollingsworth gave all the ride and got all the glory!
NotMike
I thought it was a bad idea to pay $75 for an 'observe exquisite beards' convention. How wrong I was.
sizzers
Guess what? you've been adopted! just come through here to meet your new parents!
markmilton
So you've got a menora growing out of your nose--big deal. I've got the Spear of Longinus growing out mine.
JadeDruid
ZZ top finally did something different with their facial hair. No one knows what happened to the third guy.
Seekertickets
Mickey, otherwise none as Number 3, was extremely depressed that his moustashe didn't turn out as straight....
Mr_K_Twig
I'm not really sure why, but that guy on the right somehow reminds me of my wife.
WLTwitch
Chef Boyardee's brothers. Jeff the millionaire investor and Barry the gay cowboy. Jeff's the black sheep of the family.
staffguyfield63
You said it was colonel mustard in the study. Can you pick him out of a line up?
popetyrone
Laugh all you want but these two men are about to invent a time machine and change the outcome of the civil war. A war we all know was based on the facial hair of the generals.
kjburke
You have to sleep with them for the story, don't you, ladies? They're in a band!
dgarner58
Having fallen on hard times, the band has started playing Octoberfests around the country under the moniker - XX Bottom.
MacabreSoren
Dude, you don't have to do that; we can tell which of you is straight by the... Oh... Well... Maybe you do.
CaptainTerror
This would surely be the biggest beard-related showdown in any of our lifetime..that is, until no one knew if it was formal or casual.
sugreev2001
Treebeard had to move out of the forest on the constant coercion of his "friends"
Jarhead
After all the years Cornelius spent carefully growing his magnificent moustache, he hated sharing the spotlight with the douchebag who just dumped a bottle of gel into his.
mindlessdrifter
It just goes to show that any style of fashion is made worse with cowboy boots.
deadapostle
Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters attempt to resolve the age-old debate - Do vertical stripes make a person look fat?
lycia
the monopoly guy had to spice things up once deal or no deal the board game hit the shelves
indie114
You should see what they can do with the hair on their balls... you're looking at it right now.
CardiganHarle
"Ok...Maybe it's not as good as the Puppetry of the Penis, but we'll still astound people."
cyniclint
"Colonel Sanders and Mountain Mike are really trying to appeal to young diners."
Jenna_Tullwortz
Winston does his best impersonation of a Vaught F4U. The referee is unimpressed.
HomicidalClown
Don't like sex? Grow stupid facial hair! It'll only cost you your dignity!
socialexpert
http://www.comedy.com/blog/2008/11/24/the-9-most-annoying-conversations-youll-be-having-on-thanksgiving/
Welshguy
Gandalf: Tell me friend, when did Saruman the Pointy abandon reason for madness! Saruman: I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you have elected the way of… the curl!
warmhat
The stars of Broadway's live action version of the hit Japanese cartoon "happy fun time mustache tentacle rape party go" take a bow
markmilton
Tickets to see two old men dress like fools: $20.00 Souvenirs: $15.00 Mustache rides: Priceless.
shermanator2004
Guy on right:"I made mine look like the horns on my steer,you?" Guy on left: "Cthulhu..."
BTRulesTO
As Jamie Hyneman prepares to showcase his awesome handlebars, Adam Savage is laughing harder than the time when he broke a bowling ball.
navonod
Attempts to re-introduce Col. Sanders to the youth market did not meet KFC's expectations.
Phonetics
thats right look our faces while i press the button of death on my belt buckle
Sporkicus
"I can't belive you forgot your striped suit and cane! Now I look ridiculous!!"
zinkwonkzumux
Swedish chef never knew he could sink so low, but between his restaurant closing and the muppets being canceled, selling smack seemed like the only way.
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