Well, like always, another week has gone by. Unlike always, we had catastrophic economic week, one of the worst financial moments in recent American history. Instead of comforting us, the presidential hopefuls are just fighting with each other and arguing over which one is more wrong.
Who can you turn to? Who can you turn to when you're faced with an economic system that doesn't work, and a government that can't be trusted? You turn to us.
In this world, Cracked.com is the only source brave enough and classy enough to look at our current corrupt state of affairs and say "Hey- Poop." That's right. You can always count on us to be completely irrelevant and consistently out of touch what's going on. That's our promise to you. Or whatever.
Tainted Love: History's 7 Most Terrifying Romances
I now pronounce you Man and Horse.
Notable Comment: douglasschucker says " Y'know, you have to kind of respect guys like Nero and the Marquis de Sade...these are guys who see something interesting, a natural oddity, and instead of say, asking questions or studying on the subject like we would, simply say to themselves, "I believe the manner in which to gain the most profound understanding of this curiosity is to dip my balls in it"...makes a little sense, actually..." That made us laugh. We also like his avatar.
8 Classic Movies That Got Away with Gaping Plot Holes
Citizen Kane has had it too good for too long. We're here to give that masterpiece all the shit that it deserves.
Notable Comment: pelcurus says " Even Robocop has a plothole. In it he eats baby food. But if you pay attention to earlier in the movie, you can see that robocop wasn't made from a baby. He was made from a cop named Murphy." Holy shit, he's right. And you know, the parts that weren't made from a cop were made from a robot. Pelcurus, if you team up with us, we can probably take this information straight to the top.
5 People You've Never Heard of Who Saved the World
It's a shame, even after writing this article, that we're going to forget the names of these people by next week. Tomorrow, really. Okay, right now.
Notable Comment: shnkrnryn says we're better than Wikipedia, and wurwolf says we're better than FoxNews, and GOTI says we're better than books. You hear that, assholes? You're next, CNN, Encyclopedia Britannica and radio.
7 Things From Pop Culture That Apparently Piss Jesus Off
Still not offended by According to Jim though. Weird, right?
Notable Comment:Fritterhaid says " no theological rant, no political raving---just wanted to say great article. laughed my fucking ass off. thanks. " Wish we could say fritterhaid represents the majority of our commenters. But, then, they wouldn't be our commenters, would they?
5 Retarded Space Travel Ideas That Might Actually Work
We still think this whole slingshot thing could work. Hey, NASA, why don't you get off your fucking high horse and hand us a blank check to get started on this life-changing space slingshot? What's a matter, dicks? Are you two busy? Being dicks?
Notable Comment:Derekandclive says " These lists are why I fucking read cracked, not snarky fratire articles about the latest Lindsay Lohan scandal "Yeah, fuck yeah that's why you fuckin' read it! You're right, we have been posting a lot of articles about Lindsay Lohan lately. Let's just...Hm...That's odd, we can't seem to find any recent articles about Lindsay Lohan scandals...Or any at all! But, wait...that would mean that you're an idiot. Huh.
YOU YOU YOU!
Home Improvements the Future Will Bring, If It Had Balls
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: Campaign Ads if the Legal Voting Age was 6.
Its a fucking awsome day in your neighborhood
Good luck changing your shoes at the beginning of the episode with those small arms.
"We'd like to talk to you about Jesus."
"Hi, I'm Harold Lederman. I'm an attorney. Here's my card.
When the police come and beat the living shit out of you later today, call me."
"Macy's phoned - they're ready to pay the ransom..."
"God, I know it's kinda racist but I'm so tired of hearing that horrible quadruple-red-dick monster music downtown.."
"There's one right behind me isn't there?"
I find your lack of rhythm disturbing.
Sometimes, "Virgin Records" is more of a descriptive term than a record label.
"Because he's the hero that Luxury Auto Sales deserves, but not the one it needs right now... and so we'll hunt him... because he can take it... because he's not a hero... he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector... a Dark Knight..."
You know, I hear the place down the road gives you a pretty good tit pawn.
Every day at noon Zen and Yuko must reenact the battle between Asian Pope and Pikachu.
They do not question their fate...
For this is the way of the samurai.
"Do i have to dad?"
"Timmy, how can i trust you to take care of your own kitten if you can't even kill a sword wielding man in a tiger suit?"
He see us rollin'. He be hatin.
Fighting back against skyrocketing gas prices, students at MIT succeeded in creating the first vehicle powered exclusively by looking like a douchebag.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.