gm_zero
"God, I know it's kinda racist but I'm so tired of hearing that horrible quadruple-red-dick monster music downtown.." "Uh.. dude..." "There's one right behind me isn't there?"
jwhaler
"Ok, now listen up. When we release these things, they're gonna be confused and angry..."
CavalierX
"That's right, but they never attack the same place twice. They're testing the net for weaknesses, systematically. They remember."
getittwistd
I won this at the ring toss, I don't know how they expect you to get it home though.
bcanders
Draglining kills thousands of balloon floats every year that become entangled in the nets.
flaminghomer
"The day for rejoicification has come, for I have captured the terrorists." -George W. Bush
Roscoe
I'll say it again, Ma'am...you can't bring your giant red puppy into the city until you have a propotionately sized poop bag.
HelperMonkey
Need I remind you all that if just one of these things blows, we'll be unleashing an epidemic of squeaky voices all over this city, the likes of which no man could imagine.
Ubergeek
HE STOLE MY BALLOONS! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those.....THINGS?!?
gm_zero
"Draw it into the hot gates, where it's giant phallus will count for NOTHING!!!"
getittwistd
A viral campaign has been launched to promote the sequel to Cloverfield, Cloverfield 2: Balloons attack. Although a more realistic scenario than the first movie, only 4 elderly women showed up for auditions.
jwhaler
"Yeah, Bessie here behind me is pretty docile... But that yellow bastard down there? You gotta watch him. He's a mean mother."
Stretch
Even though Dora the Explorer was safely captured, fear lingered in the air. They knew Snoopy couldn't be far behind
Bell110
"Operation: Big Red is a success. Clifford has been subdued. Repeat, Clifford has been subdued.
ShawnStu
All right people, I've received some sad news. The San Diego Chicken's Luxury Auto Sales gig went long. He's not going to make it this year.
jwhaler
"You filled it with WHAT?!?!?" "Eh....Helium, hydrogen, what's the fucking difference? It floats, don't it?"
zbeebs
Breaking News: A group of hardcore Hillary supporters have captured Obama's ego, and are holding it ransom until certain changes are made to the Democratic ticket. Details pending...
The_jimmuki
We're with NASA... we just had a few taxpayer dollars left over and thought "what the hell... lets get some balloons."
Spirolli
Tour Guide: "Well, this is momentus folks. It seems a balloon is about to be born. We can see it try to force its way through the amneotic sac. Now we should probably step back because this is going to be really messy, people."
CavalierX
I thought I'd seen everything, but a giant sex toy in fishnet... yeah, that's a new one.
deaved_wrath
Harry Potter and the Magical Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade wasnt exactly the hit movie they thought it would be.
Leaf
"I know it's just a balloon, but it really seems to WANT out... I'll tell you one thing - if it successfully removes that net, I'M running like hell!!!"
jwhaler
The 504 Ballon Wrangler's Union goes on strike after hearing their dental coverage AND free Orange Julius coupons had been discontinued.
blackadderz
"Back home we got taxidermy man...he gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him - ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa!."
megaweege66
To keep the monster at bay, the government employed the most feared lunch ladies this town has ever seen.
Bell110
"It was part of the plan! I bring the net, you bring the pin! It couldn't be any simpler!"
zbeebs
So there we were, Thanksgiving Day, waiting the parade, when suddenly we see this giant "Underdog" come flying down the street, ready to rain devastation of a vulnerable public. We knew we had to act quickly...
Rex-Jester
Sources close to the evil scientist said he got the idea of ruling the world with mutant balloon animals back in his kiddie party clown days... if only the Needle-Nosed Avenger hadn't foiled his plan for world domination!
nickotien
"Ladies, I am bringing the ice for your lips...and yes next time we blow it up with an air pump."
MrTweek
"Wait, you aren't a tall man. You're just two kids on top of each other. Why you little rascals."
DrDank
Once the Cloverfield creature was successfully captured and the military finally got a good look at it, they couldn't help but wonder if perhaps they had overestimated the threat.
snowplusbrd
M.I.L.F. H.A.B.I.T.S. : Mothers Insistently Looking For Hot Air Balloons In Trouble Society
djseifer
You know, there isn't as much humor in giant balloons as I was hoping for. How about a picture of some boobs next time?
Stretch
"Hey ladies. You wanna check out my giant inflatable.....uh, wait, that's not right."
Rimshot
After capturing Horzag the Terrible Balloon and thus preventing him from taking over the world, there was nothing much left to do for the Middle-Aged Housewives Super League than to tell random passers-by about yet another heroic adventure.
Dragonman
Attack of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the New ride at Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.
Seymourbutts
The new series of pokemon had arrived but will the inflatable type really cut the mustard
superpoop
The 'Spot' on the 7Up can was finally captured today after it's long, violent killing spree brought on by Dr.Pepper telling him he had AIDs.
Wasteroo
Little Joey was unhappy. The gift card to [i]Melchior's Alternative Zoo of Stygian Horrors[/i] was one of the worst birthday presents he'd ever received.
Ubergeek
Production on Ang Lee's "Hulk 2 - Redrum Rage" has stopped - protesting children have taken the Balloon stand-in hostage.
Wasteroo
Little Joey was unhappy. The gift card to Melchior's Alternative Zoo of Stygian Horrors was one of the worst birthday presents he'd ever received.
getittwistd
In Jurassic Park 4, it is discovered that Dennis Nedry actually survived, melded with the Dinosaur embryos he was stealing, and has become a giant red monster that delivers mail and hates Jerry Seinfeld.
flyerzrule
When the zoo was forced to cut costs, they switched to giant inflatable animals and hoped no one would notice......
jaasum
A the first ever Maxis "Spore Parade" four mid-west housewives netted one of the floats and demanded a ransom. But nobody gave a shit.
jwhaler
"Now, while this was just a drill, the threat of runaway balloon floats is ever present..."
Tenebrous
With the beast finally ensnared, the People of Red stop for a well deserved rest, and begin to talk of rebuilding
Leaf
"Okay! Everyone listening?! I'm going to go over the instructions ONE MORE TIME! It's not hard. STEP 1: UNPACK the balloon. STEP 2: INFLATE the balloon... All right, then, let's get the rest of these done"
phreesh
The ladies hoisted a cold one and leaned back on the golf cart. The balloon hunt had gone well.
GeeGee
"Settle down ladies. We'll find the clown who did this. Would you describe him as an exceptionally large clown, or perhaps one with excessive lung capacity?"
phreesh
"What are the four of us going to do now that we've blown up our balloon? Well, we're going to strip off these jumpsuits and make sweet lesbian love to each other." "Where are you going?"
phreesh
"Well, this balloon has a dark skin tone and was driving a pretty nice car for this neighborhood. We've just got a few questions for him and then we'll let him be on his way."
Jaimetown
Hockey moms trap the largest animal they can find to win Vice-President Palin's affection
DesGardius88
"Daddy, look! The monster has a big wee-wee like the ones I made on my game!" "That's it! We're going to wal-mart on monday and returning Spore, and then we're calling Dr.Carter again." "GO PENISAUR!! WEEE"
Druz
Once they stopped shaking the camera, the monster from Cloverfield didn't look quite as dangerous.
CavalierX
In all the excitement, they forgot that giant balloons can mean only one thing: giant clowns.
Zoo06
I was going to try to be funny...but it's already 6:00 and no one reads this far down.
Crzy8s
The only thing strong enough to control the balloon God's wrath is the lining of Rosie O'Donnell's pantyhose!
Can-ned Food
Filled with 50,000 gallons of warm milk, this will be the biggest practical joke to go down in history.
nosayso
We know how to bring the sons-of-bitches down. Get on the wire and tell the others.
uw710
Really Governor, we paid how much taxpayer money for a special net to catch the balloon monster instead of a 25 cent thumbtack??
Fkelleghan
If H.P. Lovecraft knew how many (and what kind of) sequels would be unleashed with the credits "inspired by," he would return from the grave.
djseifer
"Now listen, Don. We've been talking, and we think your balloon animal hobby is getting out of hand."
Stretch
The creators of Ghost Hunters brings you this seasons biggest hit. Balloon Hunters!!!
bcanders
Well, we've finally captured the monster terrorizing our city. If someone has a pin, we can finish this off and go home.
HelperMonkey
With the cooperation of local, state and federal officials, the inflatable menace that has plagued our city has been contained.
deaved_wrath
Welcome to Baghdad's famous Saddam Hussien Spider Hole Memorial Theme Park and Family Resort!
getittwistd
The security guard stopped the eldery women after catching them attempting to sneak into the theme park by scaling the netting. None of them were successful.
ChemicalEagle
The Tetsuo bounce-house from the Akira Amusement Park attraction once again must be restrained.
getittwistd
Despite how it appeared in the movie trilogy, the Eye of Salron more closely resemble several bright street lights.
pambeesly
We're not having this parade unless you give us our ransom money... $1,000,000!!!
superpoop
"Don't look behind you now, but the Big Red Ass Sniffer is creeping up on you ladies. Which one of you farted?"
The_jimmuki
I don't know.... I guess you two are stacked high enough to be used as a make-shift anal plug for our Big Gay Al balloon.
H.R.Hippo
The annual animal-breakout-drills in Japans zoos are getting weirder every year
Grag
When the roller coaster zoomed by Barny and Friends, Old man Fred needed a few hugs.
Spirolli
THE BORING RIDE. Starring: You Costarring: Your annoying friend Director: An out of work University student who's majoring in English Coming to you when you are really bored out of your mind.
rplaya28
Little Joey was unhappy. The gift card to [i]Melchior's Alternative Zoo of Stygian Horrors[/i] was one of the worst birthday presents he'd ever received.
getittwistd
As golf cart racing has grown in popularity with the elderly, new elements have been introduced to try and attract a younger crowd. Basketballs being thrown on the course for 1, as well as large carnivorous monsters at every turn.
rplaya28
Hey Verl we know you got knew hip joints, quit showin off, I dont care if you can sit indian style anyways.
jwhaler
Lucky onlookers get to watch a Glad ForceFlex trash bag commercial being filmed...
TheWadhams
After thwarting the inflatable daisy neck-chain monster’s attack on the city, Jasper couldn’t help but gloat to the people about how fortunate they were that he prepared them for such a scenario.
paranoidpyro
Even with its Jurrasic Park section, ballon animal safari did not take off as well as planned.
djseifer
"For the last time Edna, no, we do not want to see you squeeze one of those in there."
superpoop
"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the w..... What are you lookin at FAG!"
SlightLeigh
"pssst....if you let me outta this thing, I will cook you some giant waffles."
Gatt
And for his next "amazing" feat, David Blaine will deflate this float from inside the net for 5 days!!
megaweege66
Thinking that this job was below them, the Guardian Angels sent their mothers to guard the float.
zbeebs
You heard us, Macy's. Unlimited credit cards for all of us, or this parade goes nowhere!
megaweege66
"Hey kid...fifty bucks and I'll let you fuck me in the ass while Shelia cruises us around."
scottz6
Haven't you seen Deep Blue Sea? Genetically enhanced animals always win, even over Samuel L. Jackson.
_Phoenix_
You'd think parade preparation, but this is actually the strangest sex-toy convention ever held. The red-coats are lying to the child about the real reason for anatomically correct floats.
BroccoliRage
The monster safely entangled, the people of Tokyo could once again settle down to their daily lives.
JPN366
"It's an easy job. When W feels sad and comes down to Crawford, we cheer him up with a balloon float parade."
maneatingpie
After many hours they finally caught King Kong, the unfortunate thing is that He is not at all what they expected.
mexgeo86
The Red Coats are coming, the Red Coats are coming! ...and they have the aid of Macy's Floats!
connan
Look, Timmy. I know you're scared of the people in the red parka's, but that doesn't give you the reason to piss on my head.
docScorpio
You would think that the Japanese would have thought of this to deal with Godzilla a long time ago.
deadaim
Man: Hey, Ladies. Here to check out the parade balloons? Women: Sure are. Man: They are pretty big. Women: Huge. Man: If you think thats huge you should come back to my place. Women: what? Man: ...nothing
phreesh
"Yeah, it's rabid, but don't worry. The balloon will be taken to a secure facilty and deflated in as humane a manner as possible."
donspaghetti
When Timmy (to the far right) saw the huge monsters, he was so scared he soiled his pants. Daddy didn't like that.
archisgore
There's something big, in the neighborhood. Who ya gonna call? Baloonbusters!
phreesh
As the giant Pikachu devoured his prey in the background, the ladies had no sense of their impending doom.
snowplusbrd
M.I.L.F. B.R.A.S. : Mothers Instituting Litigation For Balloon Release And Safety
zbeebs
Little known fact: parade balloons are frequently filled with the hot air coming from the mouths of nagging, middle-aged housewives...Am I right, people? Huh?!
PaulRed123
"Sorry, Helen - but your 30ft "baby in a womb" performance piece is disturbing, and not for children!"
Zaffino34
Ummm, what ever you do, don't look behind you. I'm not sure what it is but it looks like he likes you
montanaguy
I don't care if you are bill gates, put your fucking balloon back in the net and get the fuck out of my yard.
Druz
Horror 101: never turn your back on the big fucking monster. It's no coincidence those women are wearing redshirts.
tlcfasho
This craption isn't interesting so I'll just tell a joke. Yo momma so fat, when she walked by the TV, you missed 3 episodes of Friends.
theschweitz
The auditions for the Ghostbusters remake went pretty much exactly as everyone expected.
Wazula
He's not a monster! He just wants to live! Oh, why? Why can't you see him for what he really- SPLAT
Ubergeek
Stagehand #1: "Hey man, what's that thing in the net again?" Stagehand #2: "I have no clue. All I know is Tim Burton & David Lynch got together, tripped on some acid, and thought a movie adaptation of Finnegans Wake was somehow a GOOD idea."
Yofcker
DUDE!!!!!!! Take the picture we just cought the kool aid man silly koolaid man koolaids for kids
frenchlauan
Sir, will you be signing on Behalf of ... a Mr.King Kong for this Blow up DOLL?
Fkelleghan
When Calving grew older, he wanted a bigger toy than Hobbes. This one he named Nietzsche.
Fkelleghan
When Calvin grew older, he wanted a bigger toy than Hobbes. This one he named Nietzsche.
matt26811
News crews were all over the scene at what at least appeared to be a Queen Latifah-Michael Moore mating ritual, ensnared by the late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin in their natural habitat.
emanresU
Tragically, the four man team of the Latvian space program all perished shortly afterward in their failed attempt at space flight
PeanutButter
"Next time, deflate the balloons before we mail them! It cost WAY too much money with air in them!"
Cap
The great war against the balloon monsters ended when Beth, Sue-Ellen, Wendy and Sarah realized a fishing net and about 30 sandbags was all that was needed to bring down the beasts.
velocirapture
"We're sorry ladies. We can't rightfully give you the reward money. You captured the wrong giant uber-horny dog. The one we're looking for is slightly LESS horny."
hey_mavis
New sneak peak of the set of Jurassic Park 7, where the dinos are neither CGI nor giant machines...
Secret Agent
Screw a craption, what I find hilarious is that it seems they expect those 4 middle age women to be able to control that huge flippin balloon behind. All I got say is if that is the case, Clifford is F'ed. Stratosphere, meet your new pal, huge f'in
Leaf
"Okay kid - listen up... we'll let your giant balloon animal go, but only if you vote for everyone's craption at least once!!!"
nycjester
I saw it!!! It's alive!!! It's huge!!! OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY...uhm...OH...uh...my...nevermind.
nycjester
I saw it!!! It's alive!!! It's huge!!! Oh my God...Oh My God...Oh my...uhm...nevermind
HomerJ
The laughed at "Running Fence". They laughed at "Umbrellas". They even laughed when I built a 6,000 foot long butterfly net, but who's laughing now!? -Christo (Froot-Loop Artist Extraordinare)
Stevosaurous
The equal rights for women alliance waited patiantly before unleashing their justtice upon the men of the world!
Stevosaurous
Ok you got me!...... now let me go..... seriously!.... come on you ignorant bitches at least turn around!
imnotthatstupid
Men, We are to take out the giant balloon monsters or die trying!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!! *runs away*
hulk67851
Jack wasn't just content with causing the Giant to fall from his beanstalk. Now, he was going to go medieval on the Giant's ass.
EinDose
And so anime girls rejoiced, knowing that the tentacle beast had finally been captured.
DrejmeisterDrej
Photograph retrieved from Area 52 - formerly known as Central Park. Evidence of Project designated: WTF
Smegfist
After capturing it inside a large net and placing it on display, the Cloverfield monster just didn't look as scary anymore
7obias
Upon successful capture of the evil Dr Inflatable the crew patiently await there voyage back to New York city.
Smegfist
After capturing the cousin of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Elton John relaxed with his new team of Ghostbusters.
Dick_Johnson
Out of all the things these people could be looking at they look at the man with a small child for a head?
MasterBates
The crew of the US space shuttle quazi-lesbian returned to earth with their bounty in tow, their mullets fluffed, and a job well done
Voffvoffhunden
"The only way to defeat these are by hitting their belly-button, and then jumping on its head. Repeat two more times, and it will explode into tiny stars. Made of cyanide."
Hero
This rare species of Giantus Ballonius was hunted for it's fashionable flower necklace. It wasn't until they were entirely extinct that the hunters realized the necklaces weren't actually attached to the bodies and killing them was never really nece
Hexus
"Well ladies, my friends always said ugly chicks could blow better than anyone, I guess he was right...."
Ubergeek
I asked for a new company mascot and you came up with "DONGACHU"?1?!! We've got people protesting outside in GOLF CARTS, for Chrissakes! What the hell do I pay you for?!?!?!?
bertmathis
"Daddy, who are those ladies?" "Those are whore's son... it's time you became a man, take your pick."
ffryde
don't worry, the net should keep the beast back, but if it tears free I do have a safety pin.
aquamotion27
"You know Ted, it's SO much easier to throw these things away if you DEFLATE THEM FIRST, YOU IDIOT!!!"
pjlovesauce
After a night of depression-fueled intoxication, a dejected Cloverfield reject wakes up in Central Park; captured.
Rex-Jester
Let's go over this one more time. When the Jabberwock comes back, you throw the net over the Jabberwock, NOT the decoy.
jeremycracked
Alas!, Gulliver has been overthrown by the infinitesimal yet cunning Lilliputians! See how they rejoice!
JoeS
With the nylon net failing, officer Jim tried to figure out another way to hold the Rosie O'donnell beast.
kingsteve14
This elite team of lesbian bounty hunters pose in front of their catch. Their mottoe "we always get our man...well, you know what we mean"
Truthiness
Pictured: The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, now featuring live performance from Dragonforce. FIRE FIRE FLAMES FLAMES!!!
maverick1194
After the time traveling incident was let's shall we say 'resolved,' the King and Queen of Britain now had a hot new ride.
Vertuan
after the robot revolution, the liberal robots come to the aid of the humans toiling in the underground salt mines.
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