15 Insane Paydays for Famously Dogshit Movies
Not everything can be a masterpiece. There are only a handful of truly perfect films — Citizen Kane, The Princess Bride, Hot Rod — and plenty don’t even aspire to be anything beyond adequate.
Sometimes, though, they’re straight-up dogshit, which makes it all the more horrendous when you realize millions of dollars changed hands for it. Those 90 appalling minutes you just sat through involved someone making more money than you’ll make in your whole life. That’s pretty distressing. Like, Hollywood money is insane at the best of times, but when the result is an enjoyment-free experience, it’s pretty galling that the people involved could put your kids through college a dozen times without breaking a sweat.
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The Dino Cop Caper Extinct from Whoopi’s Resume
Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7,000,000 for Theodore Rex, a buddy-comedy in which she is a cop partnered with a dinosaur. It went straight to video, has 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and absolutely sucks a full ass.
Arnie’s Ice Payday
Arnold Schwazenegegr was paid $25,000,000 to play Mr Freeze in Batman & Robin. He is manifestly the best thing about the movie, which is fairly universally seen as the shittiest Batman movie ever made.
The Rock’s Immediately-Forgotten Labor of Love
The Rock made $22,500,000 for Black Adam, a project that was in development for around 15 years and wasn’t very good. Came, went, hasn’t been thought of since.
Mark Wahlberg’s Bullet-Time Millions
Remember Uncharted? A not-faithful-enough adaptation of the awesome game series that aged its lead characters down in a frustrating way? Mark Wahlberg got $30,000,000 for that crap.
Eddie Murphy’s Intergalactic Bullshit
Eddie Murphy was paid $20,000,000 for The Adventures of Pluto Nash, a legendarily terrible film that only made a third of his salary back. It’s really shit.
Nic Cage’s Flaming Skull Millions
Nicolas Cage’s financial woes were certainly helped by the $7,500,000 he got for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, a movie which absolutely has its moments but can’t be called good by any stretch of the imagination.
Halle Berry, Feline Wealthy
Halle Berry was paid $14,000,000 for Catwoman, an absolute piss-soaked turd of a film that she happily referred to as “a piece of shit” when accepting a Razzie for her performance in it.
Adam Sandler’s Ridiculous 62 Mil
The Ridiculous 6 is arguably Adam Sandler’s weakest movie — Jack and Jill sucks, but Al Pacino’s funny in it — yet thanks to en enormous deal with Netflix, he made a colossal $62,500,000 for it. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Scarlett Johansson: The Ghost with the Most (Money)
The main thing most people remember the big-screen adaptation of Ghost in the Shell for was the controversy surrounding Scarlett Johansson’s casting as the usually Japanese Major. Johansson probably largely remembers being paid $17,500,000 for it.
Angelina’s Jolie Chunky Payday
Eternals was the MCU movie that couldn’t, the one with a star-studded cast that the world has just kind of forgotten. Not Angelina Jolie, who cashed a check for $35,500,000 for wearing a really crappy wig.
Ben Affleck’s Paycheck: Colossal
Ben Affleck was paid $15,000,000 for Paycheck. He was asked on Conan why he did the movie, and replied, “The answer lies in the title.”
Ryan Reynolds: 6 Underground, 27 in Da Bank
There is maybe a 1 percent chance you remember the movie 6 Underground, a Michael Bay Netflix movie about a billionaire-led vigilante group. Ryan Reynolds was paid $27,000,000 for it, about nine million per gay-panic joke.
John’s Trevoltingly Massive Payday
Battlefield Earth famously cost John Travolta a fortune as he deferred half his fee until the movie made money, which it didn’t. However, he still got $10,000,000 — TEN MILLION DOLLARS — for it.
Big Sean’s Big Check
Sean Connery was paid $17,000,000 to star in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, an absolute waste of time movie that led him to retire (apart from one voice-acting job on a cheapo CGI movie that also fully sucked).
Red Notice Put Everyone in the Black
Ryan Reynolds, Gal Gadot and Dwayne Johnson each got $20,000,000 for Red Notice, Netflix’s biggest title of 2021 that you absolutely don’t remember watching. Somehow it made sense for two sequels to be greenlit with everyone returning. Absurd.