29 Fake Celebrity Auctions We Wish Were Real

Stumped on today’s New York Times crossword? Natasha Lyonne is willing to help you out. Need your dog walked? Hand the leash over to Adam Scott. Require a mural for your home? Lena Dunham will paint it. 

These scenarios sound like something out of Mad Libs, but they’re just a few of the very real auction items up for bid right now. That’s because a plethora of Hollywood movers and shakers have taken to eBay with the Union Solidarity Coalition, where they’re auctioning off a wide range of experiences in an effort to raise money for out-of-work crew members. The group is joining forces with the Motion Picture and Television Fund to see to it that unionized crew members have their health-care costs covered during the writers’ and actors’ strikes.

But if you happen to be scrolling Twitter and see some celebrity auctions that sound too good to be true, that’s likely because they are. People have hilariously spun the concept around and hatched up some insane fantasy auctions that poke fun at the good-natured but ultimately absurd fundraising method. So if you think Julianna Margulies and Archie Panjabi are really going to break down their Good Wife beef for the right price, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. 

That said, here are 29 fantasy auctions that we wish-to-god were real…