When the Chinese Communist Party's official newspaper needed a new building for their headquarters, they turned to a professor of architecture, Zhou Qi. Little did they know that Zhou had every intention of building an enormous erect penis of a building. And the best part? Everyone involved should have seen it coming. (Pun intended.)
#3. The Architect Has a History of Mocking China's Funny-Looking Buildings
There were plenty of people willing to design this building. It was a juicy government job, and there was ample competition, but the man who won out in the end was Zhou, who also happens to have a habit of pointing out and mocking various Chinese buildings that look inappropriate. Take this skyscraper that looks like a giant pair of underpants, for instance:
Dan Lewis News
"I see London, I see France, I see China's giant, expensive, skyscraper underpants."
According to reports, Zhou had no problems with poking fun at this sort of thing, but the Chinese government is clearly willing to do anything to stop people from doing so. And yet somehow, with his reputation, Zhou still landed the job of designing a tower that was impossible not to mock. Either they chose him at random with no background checks, or Zhou is the most persuasive man to ever build giant genitalia. For someone who is always looking at buildings and seeing suggestive imagery, this was not accidental. Zhou planned this.
Dan Lewis News
Cocks find a way.
#2. He Did It With a Straight Face
So Zhou was hired for the job of a lifetime and he got started. At no point during the pre-building stage of this project did any of the higher-ups catch on that the blueprints looked suspiciously like the male organ.
Rex Features, Telegraph
This seems above board.
Either Zhou secretly substituted blueprints for a totally normal building before the thing was built, or Chinese people don't actually know what a penis looks like. In either case, Zhou must have had dozens of meetings where he suppressed cackles while passing off his vision as a legitimate, serious design that he had created to please his bosses. He must have, otherwise they would have caught on and fired him. So meeting after meeting, discussion after discussion, he stayed calm. All the while he knew in the back of his head that he was going to be the creator of the world's largest boner. The man has to be a master of self-control.
#1. It Really Is the Most Penisy Building Ever Erected
Just look at the building. Take all the time you need.
Dan Lewis News
And you thought the Washington Monument was phallic?
There's the glans part and there's the shaft. It's such a penis that the ground itself is proud to host it.
We're not even joking, it is physically impossible to not see a penis in this picture.
In many situations, such as the underpants-skyscraper above, there is room for interpretation. A structure might be vaguely shaped like something, and from the right angle, some people might see the resemblance. This is not one of those situations. Imagine working on the top floor, presumably where there's a beautiful skylight to complete the design. How do you even look yourself in the mirror when you work near the pee-hole of a dick?
Given the reputation of his government, the harsh punishments they're known for, and how seriously they take everything, Zhou must have some giant stone testicles to go with that tent he just pitched. Not only is he the greatest troll who ever lived, but he's the ballsiest, too.