4 Creepy and Baffling Implications of the X-Men Films

There's a lot going on in the X-Men film franchise. We got one trilogy that ended on a terrible, fan-souring note, then a second series of movies focusing on the main character of the original trilogy, then a reboot that recast all of the main characters as younger versions of themselves in the 1960s, and now a sequel to that reboot that combines the original cast with the reboot cast while simultaneously confirming that all seven movies are actually part of the same continuity and buying back everything that happened in the Brett Ratner penisburp that was X-Men: The Last Stand.

While Days of Future Past does a good job of connecting all those disparate dots, there are still a fair amount of plot threads left dangling in the wind, along with a litany of unanswered questions and things that are straight up presented to us but never explained (such as "Why the hell are all the files in Peter Dinklage's office kept in a vertical cabinet 5 feet off the ground?"). But what's most disturbing are the storylines implied by the movies, which manage to be deeply unsettling without ever getting a minute of screen time.

#4. Professor X Stole a Young Man's Body and Mutated Him into an Exact Physical Double of Himself (And Is Secretly Addicted to Drugs)

At the end of X-Men: The Last Stand, we see that Professor X has somehow managed to transfer his consciousness into the body of a brain-dead coma patient. So even though we saw him get ripped apart by Jean Grey's series-destroying celestial black magic, we at least got a little relief in knowing that he would live on, albeit in the body of some guy whose family was about to receive some challenging news.

20th Century Fox
"So our family gets to upgrade from Dale to Patrick Stewart? Sweet, fuck Dale."

Except at some point between The Last Stand and The Wolverine, Professor X somehow managed to completely mutate that man's body into an exact physical double of his former self. He took a middle-aged man, stole his body, and aged him 40 years. And unless that man was paralyzed as well as brain dead, the professor also saw fit to sever his new body's spinal cord for reasons that we will never be able to understand. Maybe he'd grown so used to the wheelchair, he just forgot how to walk.

And it's not like we can chalk that up as a non-canonical scene that was thrown in after the credits for fun. When Days of Future Past begins, Professor X is totally still hairless and in a wheelchair, and nobody addresses it. He successfully assimilated another human being, body and spirit, and this never manages to come up in conversation.

20th Century Fox
"My God, does this mean Cyclops could have made it back, too?"
"Cy-who?"

Also, at the beginning of The Last Stand we see that Professor X is walking around and totally friends with Erik in 1986, when they go meet Jean Grey as a young girl at her parents' house. So that means he's still secretly juicing on Beast's power-dampening serum from Days of Future Past, operating at half of his psychic ability for the past decade or so just so he can strut around in a pair of dapper trousers. Constantly dosing that miracle drug must be the reason why he went from looking like Lieutenant Dan to Telly Savalas in the span of 13 years. Although Beast himself apparently forgot all about the serum, because by 2014 he's just furry blue Kelsey Grammer 24/7.

#3. Mystique Gets Impregnated by That Weird Red Satan Mutant and Gives Birth to Alan Cumming

At the end of X-Men: First Class, Mystique abandons the X-Men and decides to join Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, which includes the teleporter Azazel, aka Zoot Suit Satan. You may have noticed that this guy looks exactly like a red version of Nightcrawler from X2. They even have the same mutant power. So it stands to reason that this guy and Nightcrawler are related, right?

20th Century Fox
A murderous creeper with weird orgy friends is totally the type of guy you want raw dogging you.

Well, as some of you comic fans might already know, Mystique is Nightcrawler's mother, which means that, at some point between joining Magneto's A-Team at the end of First Class and plotting to destroy Peter Dinklage in Days of Future Past, she and Zoot Suit Satan had howling, multi-colored Nightcrawler-producing sex.

20th Century Fox
"I tossed her a Winter's Bone."

And as we know from X2, Nightcrawler grew up in the Berlin circus because he didn't have a family.

So, Mystique got knocked up by Zoot Suit Satan, gave birth to a blue demon baby, and left it in a dumpster somewhere in Germany because she just, like, totally wasn't ready to be a mom yet.

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