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The Sound of One Hand Clapping Phonetically

Bush cartoon

Apparently not satisfied with the effect on his staggering unpopularity of promising to veto a child health insurance bill, George W. Bush ventured to the U.N. today, where he embraced the street protests of Buddhist Monks in Myanmar as part of his wider global march to freedom.

This should come as little surprise to scholars of comparitive religion who already know that ‘Shock’ and ‘Awe’ are two of the Ten Great Pillars of Buddhism, standing as they do directly between the pillars ‘Let Kids Pay for Their Own Damn Health Care’ and ‘Ignoring Negroes’.

Bush was aided in the difficult task of speaking to and about foreigners by a speech in which many of the more difficult words and names were rendered phonetically. Pronunciations included Sarkozy "[sar-KOzee]", the Mugabe "[moo-GAHbee] regime", "Kyrgyzstan [KEYRgeez-stan]" and Democracy [U-ni-fide Ex-EK-u-tiv PRIK-a-stok-ra-see].

The slip up that allowed people to see W’s phonetically enhanced text proves a theory I’ve long held, that the appearance of presidential idiocy is carefully tailored. Not that George isn’t an authentic idiot, but that a bevy of groomers carefully select and approve which bits of idiocy might in some odd way be used beneficially.

Surely if W’s handlers can render ‘Krygzstan’ in easily mouthable bite size sound chunks, they could do the same for the word ‘Nuclear’ if they chose to.

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Max Burbank

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