Sultan Rahi's Entire Career
And now we meet the Zen master of posters that punch your brain in the face: Mr. Sultan Rahi. I have never seen any of Mr. Rahi's movies, but you know what? I don't think that matters. There doesn't have to be a story behind that image for it to change me forever. I need nothing more than this picture to understand absolutely everything about the man. Sultan Rahi, as far as I am concerned, could star in posters alone, and I would still be a fan. Find me something - anything - that can compete with the sheer badassery of a silken-pajama-clad, moustachioed man screaming in rage while stabbing two lions through the top of the skull as they eat him alive, and I will show you... well, another one of Sultan Rahi's posters. There are plenty!
Here he is, apparently cosplaying Street Fighter II's Ken Masters using a costume sewn together from bathmats and curtain tassles, and firing snakes instead of fireballs. It's like he took all of my childhood aspirations and married them to my deepest fears, and then starred in a movie about it.
Take note here, furries. You want to be one with the animal kingdom? This is how you fucking do it. You don't sew a teddy bear costume with a dickhole; you steal a predator's god damn face and unleash a devastating war cry at anybody that looks at you sideways for it.
It takes a true connoisseur of insanity to appreciate Jaani Dushman. Sure, it's got the blatantly strange stuff: There's a wolfman with Down's Syndrome, there's an obviously stock black and white photo recklessly spliced into an image that is otherwise entirely in color, and if you'll direct your attention to the right border, you'll even spot one half of an Arabic Ron Jeremy. But if that's all you see, then you are missing out on the true beauty of this piece. You're missing this guy right here:
Nobody in the history of facial expressions has depicted this darkness, this madness, this insatiable fury. When they posed for this picture, the photographer probably asked him to tone it down a little. He was all: "Hey listen, Rahul, I appreciate your passion here but it's uh...it's a bit much. Can you dial it down some? I mean, you're supposed to give me 'determined,' in this shot. Like, you're 'determined' to beat this monster. But you're giving me 'raped.' Like, 'I am going to rape this wolfman.'"
"...Rahul? Hey, I'm sorry, Rahul. Look, we can...we can do this your way, okay? I'll just take the picture and you do whatever you want. Rahul? Say something please. Rahul? I-I can't move my legs anymore. What's happening? Oh god, I'm scared, Rahul. Please, man, I...I have kids. I have kids, Rahul. Little Tara and Sami...Sa...I can't remember. I can't even remember my children's names! What are you doing to me?! RAHUL PLEASE MY MEMORIES ARE GONE! The eyes...oh god, oh god no please THE EYES..."
"THE EYES! THEY FOLLOW ME! THEY FOLLOW ME INTO MADNESS!"
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