Frosty the Snowman Declares War on The War on Christmas
Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: the War on Christmas. So I pulled Frosty the Snowman from the past and put him on the front lines. His brave adventures begin immediately after double Hitler, a terrifying side effect of my time violations. Hitler Hitler:
This is in the top 20 of cracked. No doubt about it.
ReplyIt's funny and he nailed it. 90% of these and similar problems are caused by white people getting vicariously offended by s**t that doesn't bother the people who have a right to be offended.
ReplyTo be honest, it's mainly caused by hopelessly out of date politicians still attempting to push agendas that were last relevant when they were still in their late teens. It's why all of our fifty-to-sixty-something aged politicians all act like they're perpetually stuck in the 70s to 80s, fighting PC battles of race, sex and cultures that concluded in more or less happy equality of rights a good twenty years ago.
That's fine until they inevitably ignite brand new conflicts that had already been resolved, because now you get brand new sources of hate and inequality of rights that come from nothing more than some politician getting confused about what era they're actually in.
"Vicariously offended" YES, holy s**t that is exactly what it is. Sweet. Sorry. I love accurately worded insults. Love them.
Sexually.
Seanbaby is awesome!
ReplyYou don't have any thumbs-up because yours wasn't a superlative. Watch:
Seanbaby is the awesomest!
....bloody yanks
ReplyNeed some hand lotion?
two thumbs up seanbaby this is one of your best
ReplyGenius. Purely genius.
ReplyOoh-right in the childhood. Hahaha, you are amazing man.
ReplyHahahahahahahahaha! That's what happens when you f**k with Christmas! I love it!
ReplyMy mom told me not to believe anything on the internet, but i dont like Father Christmas any more. He seems nasty. And probably smokes as well.
ReplyPaul Coker, Jr.'s artwork has never looked better. .retteb dekool reven sah krowtra s'.rJ ,rekoC luaP
ReplyChristmas is far older than Jesus though, otherwise pretty damn good
ReplyOhhhhhh my god. No y-- you know what? Yes. Your totally right, good job. Very wise.
God dammit Seanbaby. This made me laugh so hard I puked coffee through my nose so fast it killed my cat.
ReplyInterestingly enough, as I read your comment, I'm watching the cat scene from The Boondock Saints.
Reading this and watching Boondocks Saints at the same time? Are you some kind of savant Chameleon?
Holy s**t! The little girl died! That is the best Christmas story ever, aside from The Ref and Bad Santa.
ReplyDie Hard. It's both the movie you forgot, and an order.
Santa's "bad list" gets longer each year. *sigh*
ReplyI could not agree more
ReplyTo be perfectly honest, I don't care what you call your holidays. Just don't be a dick about it.
ReplyActually, this article bugs me for a whole host of reasons. I know, I know it is comedy, you're not supposed to take it seriously, but frankly? It pisses me off.
Reply Hide All See All 17 RepliesTo start with you guys do realise that the whole controversy was born of bulls**t from about 1957 don't you?
That's right - back then it was because they figured replacing "Christ" with an X was just plain not Christian enough.
Which is the heart of the whole "War" - a bunch of Christian wackjobs making a fuss about nothing and expecting everyone to take is seriously.
And of course, in order to enforce their call for their own particular brand of political correctness, they make up a whole load of BS about how saying "Happy holidays" is all about being politically correct.
"Happy Holidays" started off in 1942 with "White Christmas", while "Season's Greetings" goes back to the Victorian era. Political correctness inspired my ass - those seasonal greetings come from eras in which being black got you lynched.
And they predate Frosty. That's right kids - Frosty wouldn't have given a s**t because the TV special? 1969. Remember, people had been saying "Happy holidays" since 1942.
The so-called "War on Christmas" has always been a farce. The one time Christmas was banned it was by Christians (The puritan movement were just such fun and frolicky types you know) and the rest of us never really gave a s**t.
Why? Well think about it.
Is there a war on Eid because we don't give customery Eid greetings? No. Is there a war on Hanukah if someone doesn't wish you a Gmar chatimah tovah? No. Do Hindu's get pissy over you not celebrating Diwali? No.
But Christians, you wish them a happy holiday and wow it is the war on Christmas. Bunch of whiny babies.
You mad?
You mad.
how about you go be a dick on some other comments section
malachi
How about you develop one?
I actually found this comment informative if unnecessarily bitter.
I'm inclined to agree with BG. I'll say "Happy Holidays" and not ASSume your a Christian and you can say whatever the f**k you want as long as it is in a friendly spirit and not shoveling the BS down my throat.
I agree with Bruce. Saying that there is a war on Christmas is very very lame.
Bruce is totally 100% right. This bulls**t's got to end. STFU about your stupid f**king christian holiday. Go to church and rape an alterboy or something. Leave the rest of us alone.
how about everyone shuts the f**k up because no matter how it started, now it's a holiday about togetherness in the winter months and needless consumerism to spur people who are short on hours into buying dora the explorer s**t instead of food and rent.
well really.... the greece word for Christ starts with a x or whatever so they call it Xmas dumbass... god you have to read wikipedia some time
Good comment Bruce, didn't know that.
I like how BG makes the article look like a TL;DR version of his post and everyone starts sucking his e-penis for it. Everyone knows this already and I don't care if you hate xmas I only expect it to be mentioned if it's outright obvious that's what you're referring to or if it's the 24/25.
Bruce is correct. It's disgusting how PC police want to ruin a perfectly nice, innocent sentiment by insisting that I use approved wording for approved thoughts and approved wishes. It is not a war on something when you literally couldn't care less about it, and I have the right to send a warm greeting to my friends without some douche telling me what I mean and how to say it.
@EsherRavenFire All Christians =/= Catholic. I suppose you're the same guy who starts sweating when he sees a Muslim at the airport?
Well Bruce to you I say Merry CHRISTmas and go f**k yourself in this New Year
Huh, didn't know that. Nice! Could have done without the bitterness, and implied slight to the comic, though - none of this changes the fact that the article is hilarious.
I agree that no one should be offended by saying happy holidays, and no one should be offended by saying merry christms. But f**k you for hating all christians because a few got mad about the happy holiday thing. (Not to anyone perticular just in general)
you are dumb bruce - read the article
you repeated exactly what seanbaby said, except when he said it, it was funny
Hahahaha.. Thanks, seanbaby, you're the best.
ReplyI'm not Mexican in the slightest, but I don't feel left out of Cinco de Mayo. I can enjoy fajita nachos and Tecate just like anyone else.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesNo one cares about cinco de mayo in Mexico though
@ NjGirlado -
Yeah, pretty much all of these "cultural" holidays aren't cared about where they originate from. Look at St Patricks Day. Beer and general revelry? No. Religious rememberance.
Cinco de Mayo is a yearly memo to make some fajitas and hang out with my grandpa (it's his birthday) and for that I salute it. Seriously, my grandpa has awesome war stories.
Lol at the St. Patrick's day comment. It's a holiday made in chicago for a fictional saint.
That was hilarious and so true. This article nearly gave me a humor seizure.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHumor seizure is a deadly disease. It effects hundreds of people everyday, mostly Seanbaby's readers.
Although incurable, common treatments include breathing into a paper bag and heavily overdosing sleeping pills. Results may vary.
These three... Wow. Yea, thank you all. Twas brilliant.