Cracked Columnists

2 New Shirts for GB Packers Fans and Punch-Drunk Satire

It's basically summer, right? Everybody's graduating, sneaking in sick days, or just generally preparing for that big upcoming summer vacation. Well, as you spin that globe and drop a finger randomly, might we suggest two idyllic spots to consider?

While probably not the actual billboard at the city limits of Jonestown, this icy-cool drink of nostalgia punch is a reminder to us all that we should enjoy the present because life is fleeting. This design came to us from Daniel Palkowski, one of the winners from a contest celebrating the places that never got their T-shirt due. Just like the summer, this shirt is temporary and completely classless. We're offering it in a limited supply, so you'll have to get your hands on it soon. Wear it and let your friends know that joining a cult is always a terrible idea, no matter how fun some of them sound.

Frankly, LA had this shirt coming. The NFL draft is in just a few short days, and somehow even in 2014 a permanently sunny city filled with sprawling space for a stadium can't hold onto a goddamn team. But as much as St. Louis and Oakland are apparently more attractive places to play your NFL home games, let's not forget little Green Bay, Wisconsin, where the temperatures can plummet into the negative 30s and fans will still show up at the games 80 percent naked. Maybe it's the fact that the skyline consists almost exclusively of industrial plants or that the entire state rests its pride on cheese, but this city has some elusive, impossible charm that Los Angeles will never understand. Get this design by Aaron Russell and Ian Disend in a lovely green to let people know you stand for something, even if you're only standing there because your legs are too cold to move you somewhere warm like Chicago.

We Want Your Ideas, No Matter What Season It Is

Our last official T-shirt design contest just ended (check the forums for another one soon), and in the meantime we can give you full crazy creative license. Think up something too good for us to pass up and throw it in our Official Infrequently Monitored Random T-Shirt Idea Thread. You'll be glad you did, because even if it sucks, that's one more design's worth of experience toward leveling up to being a design contest winner.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

What motivates you to keep hustling, to not take a break and turn on the TV and watch Anthony Bourdain travel everywhere you'd go if you were paid to eat? For us, it's a combination of pure, goodhearted desire to make you the best shirts possible and a foul, regrettable jealousy of everyone else on the Internet making ones we didn't think of. To atone for that second thing, we assemble the week's best new shirts in this space and hope you like them so much that we get to feel less guilty.

5)


Available at BustedTees

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Available at Glennz Tees

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Available at Shirtoid

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Available at BustedTees

1)


Available at Threadless

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Alex Schmidt

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