10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery
It's easy to look badass with careful planning: Whether it's entering a prize fight, acting in intense action scenes with the benefit of careful choreography or just waiting for the crowd to gather before you jump your dirt bike over 16 flaming tigers, the common thread is always planning and forethought. It's a lot harder to come off as a total badass in the heat of the moment, with no warning, no setup and no pretense. Hard, but not impossible:
#10.
Mildly Amused Riot Guy
Clearly, there is some serious shit going down in the foreground of this photo: an altercation, an argument, a dramatic scene or a hurried arrest. It's hard to tell exactly what's going on, but two things are certain: It happened suddenly and it is violently intense. But that smooth bastard in the background is wholly unfazed: He's just there, enjoying his beverage and the kind of cool breeze that only three unclasped shirt buttons can afford. If he's feeling anything at all, it's sure not shock. Mostly likely he's just appreciating the brief entertainment that Frank Stallone trying to forcibly gift-wrap Corey Haim to death has provided, before he has to go have sex with yet another supermodel on yet another yacht racing off yet another waterfall. Tedious.
#9.
New in Men's Fashion: Rocket Launchers
A good fashion sense is nothing if you don't know how to accessorize. Sure, this guy is looking slick in his leather boots, black jeans, frog-enclosure sweater, gray parka and ivy cap. But what really makes this outfit are the fireman's gloves, RPG and riot shield. But while you're busy just marveling at the casual, tongue-stuck-out-with-a-kind-of-good-humored-exertion expression of this armed to the teeth rioter, you're missing two important facts. One: Riots are not like playing action figures at your friends house; equal weaponry is not distributed to all participants. He took that RPG and riot shield from a police officer at some point. And two: Fanny pack. I know, right? Kind of ruins the effect, doesn't it? Somebody should say something.
P-probably you.
#8.
The Frugal Pilot
Fake! I can tell by the pixels. There are literally thousands of them. This picture is basically nothing but pixels; that's how I know it's been modified. Plus, there's just no way somebody ejects 20 goddamn feet from impact. Life isn't that dramatic. Also, you're telling me somebody snapped that exact frame--the very instant a fighter jet starts breakdancing on the tarmac? Way too convenient. Oh, and finally: If this were real, why would the pilot eject that late? What kind of hardass sumbitch hangs on that long? Unless that jet was made by Knight Industries and talked like KITT from Knight Rider--allowing both man and machine to develop a long-standing bond over many years of thwarting smugglers and spies together--there's not a pilot alive who'd try that hard to save their plane. Why, one second later and he'd be...
Yeah, there. The craziest part? That little dude up there survived. That's not just laughing in the face of death; that's cumming on it after a night of filthy passion and promising to call later (but not).
#7.
Disappointing Fire Tornado
Image thanks to Mezrin
And here we have an angry old testament God practicing his fireballs. One could be forgiven for seeing this and thinking "badass, fire tornado!" But that's not why this picture is on this particular list. No, it's here because of the fireman. Look closely:
He is, if anything, a bit disappointed. That posture is not the one you adopt right before screaming "watch out guys, fire tornado!" or "holy shit magic is real and it's being used on me!" or even just "that was unexpected." That is the posture one adopts right before muttering "no, no it's okay I guess. It's my fault really: I've been hearing so much about this 'twister of pure, hellish fire' thing for so long - I guess I just expected it to be, I don't know, impressive."
#6.
Epic Beard Rescue Squad, Go!
Unlike the previous photo, this picture is nothing but questions: Namely, what Middle Eastern army is employing old-timey pirates? Why is that magnificent bearded motherfucker wearing headphones? What is he listening to? And most importantly, what are they running from? Luckily, I have answers. In order, they are: The awesome kind, because this shit gets boring when it's your 9-to-5; Whitney Houston's cover of "I Will Always Love You" from the smash hit The Bodyguard (for atmosphere); and those cows look an ungodly level of pissed off.
Am I the only one who finds the guy in #10 strangely attractive? o.O *drools*
ReplyI think on number 4 he is actually extending the collapsible stock so he can adopt a proper shooting stance. Still looks f*****g awesome though.
ReplyWhen I asked for a bear claw, I meant the pastry, dammit.
Replythe whole article was amazing, #10, #3 and #1 was awesome.cant stop laughing when i remember the dialogue in #3, my colleagues keep giving me weird looks.
Reply"Psh, f**k him if he can't take a joke. If God didn't want you to put babies in danger, he wouldn't have made them so stupid. Are you in or what?" -- winner
ReplyNumber 10 is the Dos Equis guy in disguise!!!(I'm not always in the middle of a riot, but when I am, I prefere Dos Equis..) Stay badass my friends ;)
ReplyI would really like to know mildly amused riot guy (#10). He looks like one awesomely cool SOB.
Reply#8 is from the Lethbridge Air Show, 2010. The pilot was on a practice flight in his CF-18 before the show and flew too low to the ground.
ReplyThat's incorrect, he was flying low because he was practicing for the air show. The plane malfunctioned. There was no pilot error. Sidenote, his back was broken, but once it healed he got right back to flying. Badass indeed
I remember seeing this and talking about it while it happened. This is what I had to say then:
I dunno, Cobra maneuvers are pretty risky. That being said, I can't imagine that during a low altitude controlled stall, pitching (up to) 60 degrees of climb while NOT climbing, one of the most risky stunts you can do in a jet -even one with thrust vectoring- an experienced pilot would willingly try an aileron roll, or even worse, use rudders. That is clearly how the plane REACTED and in no way would anyone sane do that, Ever. >Fly-by-wire Computer Malfunction
I am sure #3 is of the breed of demigods of greek legend.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou're a Percy Jackson fan, aren't you?
That bear's claws are longer than that baby's hands!
What the f**k is percy jackson?
It looks like the guys from #6 are wearing flight suits, meaning that they could be part of a helicopter or plane crew which could possibly the headphones. The jury is out on the awesome beard.
Replythose guys in number 6 are people who have volunteered in helping the pakistan army evacuate people in flood hit regions
I thought the same thing about the helicopter-looking crew, but the joke was too awesome so I was like yeah, I see what you did there. Nice!
more of these articles please
ReplyThe dialogue for #3 was hilarious! #10 made me actually laugh out loud, and #1...wow...I wouldn't be that calm. lol
ReplyNumber 1 was from a news report in Serbia. The guy was just talking about how many car wrecks there were on that stretch of road when his point was proven in the most kickass way possible.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThat is more badass than Brockway's version!
Close, but not quite- it's in Croatia and the guy is Bosnian. I guess it's still better than all those folks that call anything east of Germany- "Russia." You can watch the whole thing by typing "Slijetanje" into YouTube.
Notice how the old guy says: "Oh, this will interrupt us now since we have to help due to being closest to the scene." while the car is still rolling around. Before, he talks about how he and his orphaned siblings hid in the forests for seven years during and immediately after WWII, so badassitude is apparently a lifelong habit for Mehmed Kasinovic.
I thought the guy in #9 was holding a golf bag until I looked closer >.
ReplyI just have to correct this. While RPG might be a generic term to a lot of people for rocket launcher, the launcher that man is carrying is not an RPG, but looks more like a LAW.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesexactly what i was going to say, an RPG is a specific kind of rocket propelled grenade, which is exactly what it says on the tin, a grenade on the end of a rocket. the difference is (and it isnt too much of a difference but its enough to be irritating when people get it wrong) that with an RPG the rocket bit is the full length of the launcher with the grenade sticking out of the front which gives it all that launcher room for rocket which means the RPG's havee a really long range, and gives it that iconic terrorist-ish look. it is also loaded from the front.
however, the rocket launcher (for example the LAW in the pic) is loaded from the back and it is a proper rocket which contains a lot more explosive and, being actually rocket shaped flies much straighter and in a more balanced way, so is a much more complicated way of blowing s**t up and different kinds can use anti-aircraft and heat detecting rockets. this is why the RPG is the preferred terrorist/rebel weapon, because the clever bit is the rocket, which is essentially a big firework rocket and a grenade, the launcher is basically a pipe and a trigger.
you could probably make a RPG in a few hours, but rocket launchers are clever precision devices, which is why it was being used by some government force in the pic (before that guy stole it).
im gonna shut up now =D
I asked this a year ago. People forget that RPG is the Russian acronym for "anti-tank rocket" and not "rocket propelled grenade".
nearly, it translates to "hand held, anti tank, grenade launcher" (ruchnoy protivotankovy granatomyot)with no mention of rockets. therefore the acronym of RPG as rocket propelled grenade is a good way to describe it not a translation. so its not wrong to call it an RPG.
Sure GamerNerd117 didn't have to point it out, but JordanR went on to the pretentious/douchbag level... why is the first guy voted down so much and Jordan get's seven thumbs up?
Just asking.
Man, they're just chillin'.
ReplyThis is one of the big reasons smoking still exists, because, at the moment of something epic occurring you have two choices: freak out like the other 99.9%, or lite up a smoke and enjoy the show. The smoke is essential to pulling off the "cool". There has been studies done, that is why smoking is still seen in movies and tv shows, it is that important to the cool.
ReplyCommenter rage disclaimer: I know smoking is bad, cancer causing and what not, but this is a comedy website, enjoy or sit on this and rotate....(casually steps back as the devil train rolls by with Kingdom of Heaven jets strafing it with bullets used to kill nazis, lights his cigar on the flame of the demon train, and walks off flipping you the bird)
Fun flipside: Nothing on earth is quite so psychotic as a smoker who CAN'T get his fix.
Haha, no rage commenters... now you have to sit and rotate my friend. Enjoy!
I thought page 1 was way more kickass than page 2
ReplyThat's how it generally goes.
The Riot Guy reminds me of Roger Sterling... and it's totally the sort of way Roger would react to a riot. Also, is that David Arquette in that melee?
Replyactually, that guy is the *second* most interesting man in the world.
Yep, that's our man David alright.
Number 1 is Bill from L4D that one time he shaved off his beard...
Reply