We expect our famous people to be a little bit crazy, because money and fame mess with your head in ways science can barely comprehend. Still, there's a difference between those who, say, think the government staged the 9/11 attacks and those who live their lives in fear of being raped by witches. Which brings us to ...
5Megan Fox: Bigfoot Hunter
We kind of feel sorry for Megan Fox. It's like she wants to be taken seriously as an actress but keeps landing roles as "the boob interlude between explosions" in Michael Bay movies. Surprisingly, though, it turns out that her on-screen reputation as a cheap sex symbol isn't a source of much anguish for Fox -- what really grinds her gears is people not taking bigfoot seriously.
Fox's tendency to bring up her belief in Sasquatch on occasions that don't even remotely warrant it has become something of an inside joke among journalists. In an almost surrealistically bizarre interview with Esquire, she was asked about her favorite celebrities and proudly answered: bigfoot. Her favorite film? "Would you not be so much more interested in finding out that bigfoot existed than in watching a really good movie?"
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A waiter once asked Fox if she would like soup or salad. She spent the next
two hours talking about bigfoot's dietary habits. The waiter did not survive.
Even at this year's Comic-Con, when Fox was approached by reporters for People magazine, she squandered the opportunity to promote Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in favor of rambling about her favorite podiatrically blessed cryptid.
We can't imagine why.
It's tempting to presume that she's just playing some kind of longform prank on gossip journalists, but if her recent interview with MTV is anything to go by, it looks like she has zero sense of humor about it. When the interviewer brings up the topic of her "outlandish" beliefs, Fox rolls her eyes and immediately retaliates with a bunch of bigfoot "facts."
Of course, given that she also claims she could totally find the mythical creature herself but hasn't given it a go yet, we can assume that Fox is either fucking with us all or she's just really, really lazy.
4David Bowie Lived in Constant Fear of Witches
If cocaine and not giving a fuck somehow managed to have a baby, that baby's name would be David Bowie. Over the years, the man has become the definition of the experimental, oddball musician, but you probably assumed that, even at its worst, Bowie's craziness was always of the creative, artistic variety. Definitely not something that involved, say, witches.
Surprise! It was witches -- as in, throughout the 1970s, Bowie lived in crippling fear that he was being stalked by witches who wanted to steal his sperm.
Somehow, we have no problem believing that.
Biographers of Bowie's most fucked-up phase record that his obsession reached fever pitch at around the time he was working on his 1976 album Station to Station, which mainly involved snorting coke and reading every book in his house. Eventually, he got really into occult subjects like psychic-protection techniques, claiming that they prevented brides of Satan from breaking into his mind (see: coke).
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Take your protein pills, and put your tinfoil helmet on.
Cameron Crowe, who was a journalist at the time, once encountered Bowie in his studio, fearfully lighting black candles after supposedly detecting a malevolent presence. He also carried a cross and a Jewish talisman, because, dammit, the witches had to be scared of at least one of them. He couldn't take any chances, you see. During that time, Bowie was convinced that witches were trying to get their hands on his semen to make a baby that they were going to sacrifice to Satan, like a glam-rock Rosemary's Baby.
Which is weird, because we remember our parents telling us that Bowie WAS Satan.
In the following years, rumors abounded that Bowie was collecting his semen, urine, and other bodily fluids in jars and hiding them around the house (which we assume was due to the witch thing). Eventually, his paranoia came to an end when concerned friends hooked him up with a practicing good witch who agreed to perform an exorcism for him, after which Bowie finally stopped worrying about paranormal rapists. He also quit cocaine around that same time, but we're sure that had nothing to do with it.