Human beings have been building robots for a few millennia. But no matter how useful our automata, or how sleek and efficient our killing machines grow, we know we'll always be second best. Nature has been building high-end meat-bots for millions of years, after all. Well, we're tired of coming in second. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so Mother Nature, consider these bizarre and terrifying abominations a compliment ...
6 The Sprinting Velociraptor Robot Is Faster Than Any Man Alive
As ED-209 and Claptrap have taught us, the one thing that can stop the bloody robot uprising is a good solid set of stairs. Agility has always been a problem for the machines. We may not be able to hide, but at least we can still run. Not so, anymore! Scientists in South Korea have designed a robot that can attain a blistering footspeed of over 28 mph. And because you've been very naughty this year, they modeled the son of a bitch after a velociraptor.
"The inspiration is clear," said Dr. Muldoon.
They haven't yet wrapped it in scales (or feathers, depending on how hilarious and/or biologically accurate they want to be), but they've definitely got the raptorial framework down. The legs are made from race-car-caliber carbon fiber, and have artificial Achilles' tendons to dissipate ground reaction forces. The large tail swings around to act as a counterbalance, allowing the raptor to keep on truckin' even when a scientist tries to knock it off course by placing obstacles (soon to be your children) in its path.
Impressively, it's already bested Usain Bolt's top speed, which has been clocked at 27.44 miles per hour. We're not sure who's funding the project to build a robotic velociraptor specifically capable of running down the fastest man on earth, but we're going to assume he's got at least a master's degree, if not a doctorate, in doom.
5 The Crabster CR200 Is a Giant Walking Crab Tank
Video games and sci-fi movies are full of all sorts of fantastic machines and vehicles that look badass on the screen but would be completely impractical in real life. The reason you're not driving to work every day in a giant lumbering crab tank is because at some point humanity realized that wheels were way easier, and we're apparently a species that settles. Or at least, we were. Meet the Crabster:
Using 6-legged locomotion to safely traverse the seafloor at breakneck speeds of up to 1 mile per hour, the Crabster weighs in at 1,400 pounds and is controlled remotely through a 500-meter tether. The cable serves to relay information back to headquarters, and also to ensure that Cthulhu doesn't partake of a little twelve-tentacle discount.
The craft responded well to initial underwater testing, and now has its first official job on an archaeological recovery mission in the Yellow Sea, where previous craft have proven ... unworthy.
Designed by Korean scientists, the Crabster addresses some of the main challenges faced by traditional marine exploration, like the ineffectiveness of propeller-driven craft when facing strong tides, or how divers are at the mercy of rough waters. You know what doesn't have trouble with tides, rough waters, or Aquaman's pesky meddling? Giant cyberpunk crabs.
You know what else crabs have no capacity for? Fear.