Movie characters are smarter than us because they have the important advantage of, you know, not having to exist in a real universe. The writer who comes up with Sherlock's ingenious solution to the mystery also comes up with the mystery -- it's pretty easy to be smart in that context. Yet, as we've pointed out before, sometimes these supposed geniuses make decisions that even a WWE staff writer would find patently ridiculous. For instance ...
#6. Batman Begins -- Batman Risks His Life for No Reason
In Batman Begins, Liam Neeson and his ridiculous mustache poison Gotham City's water supply with a drug that makes people go violently crazy. However, the poison only works when it is vaporized, so he steals a giant microwave gun to vaporize the city's entire supply all at once. Luckily, no one in Gotham decided to have a hot shower or boil anything on their stoves in the interim. That really would've tipped his hand.
"Please, Master Wayne, you were in the suit all night. You smell like rotten onions and hobo taint."
In the film's climax, Neeson hops on a monorail with the microwave cannon and heads toward the city's main water distribution center, which is inexplicably a stop on the monorail's route. Batman intercepts the monorail to exchange punches and one-liners with Liam Neeson, then leaps to safety just as the monorail derails and explodes.
But Wait a Minute ...
There was absolutely no reason for Batman to get on the monorail.
You see, before Batman hops onto the train to beat up his former BFF, he gives the Batmobile to Commissioner Gordon and tells him to blast apart the monorail's tracks, engineering the derailment. So Batman knows the train is going to crash, killing Neeson and destroying the microwave cannon. Why the hell would he then Batman his way up to the speeding monorail car and risk his life in a brief punch-witticism contest? Just for the satisfaction of spin-kicking that goateed face one last time?
"Seriously, I'm rich; I will buy you a razor company to get rid of that thing."
Come to think of it, why the hell did he put Commissioner Gordon in the Batmobile and task him with making the critical train-destroying shot? Gordon has never even seen that kind of sophisticated technology before, and he even misses his first shot. What if he hadn't managed to blow up the tracks in time? What if he'd pressed the eject button by accident?
"I played Space Invaders back in '79. I got this."
Batman should've shot out the tracks himself. Even if by some miracle Liam Neeson managed to stop the speeding train in time, his plan is totally screwed. It's not like he could toss the microwave cannon on his back and run the rest of the way, and if he tried, Batman would already be sitting there with his Batmobile cannon pointing at the train. The "World's Greatest Detective" added two completely unnecessary and needlessly risky steps to his supervillain-thwarting plan.
#5. Man of Steel -- Zod's Prison Sentence Saves His Life and Dooms Everyone Else
Man of Steel begins on the doomed planet of Krypton, where General Zod and his renegade followers attempt to overthrow the governing council because they're not content to just sit there twiddling their thumbs while the entire planet explodes. Zod's coup fails, and he and his followers are sentenced to "300 cycles of somatic reconditioning" in the Phantom Zone, which is basically "space jail" with a bunch of extra syllables. They're shipped off right before Krypton blows up, which is really lucky for them, when you think about it.
But Wait a Minute ...
Why doesn't the council imprison Zod on Krypton? Their entire world is hours from destruction, but the council decides to punish Zod by sending him and his crew off planet, effectively saving their lives. We get that there wasn't enough time to evacuate all of Krypton, but why use their transdimensional technology to save a handful of supervillains? Why not send their best scientists and scholars to the Phantom Zone and toss Zod and his cronies into county lockup?
And why do they send people to prison in space cocks?
It's not like the Phantom Zone is the Kryptonian equivalent of a Turkish prison -- Zod returns in a ship full of advanced technology, including space suits and a clone hatchery, that his jailers put him in.
"It's not all fun and games. The blow job machines in the suits don't work the balls all that well."
It's not like they didn't know that Zod would continue being evil if given the chance. He spent his last moments on Krypton screaming oaths of vengeance at Superman's mom, and yet not one member of the council paused to ask if maybe they shouldn't lock him in his apartment instead and let the detonating planet take care of him.
"Krypton, nooooo! They were supposed to install our margarita machine next week!"
#4. World War Z -- The U.N.'s Top Man Doesn't Know How a Stealth Mission Works
In World War Z, U.N. investigator Gerry Lane tracks down the origins of a global zombie epidemic to an army base in South Korea. Gerry and a team of soldiers then try to sneak back to their plane without alerting the zombies, who are attracted to sound.
Everything is going smoothly until Gerry's wife calls him on his cellphone, penetrating the silence with a thunderous eulogy fart of poor timing. The ringing phone draws the attention of the zombies, who proceed to kill everyone escorting Gerry while conveniently sparing his pilot. They may be zombies, but they're not assholes.
"Oh, is that your wife? Tell her to put the kids on and I'll do the whole 'Braiiiiinnss!' act. Kids love that."
But Wait a Minute ...
First of all, even if Gerry was just a regular dude, he should have known better. Sure, he couldn't have known his wife was going to call, but Jesus Christ, you put your phone on silent when you're in a movie theater. You'd think "prowling around behind flesh-eating enemy lines" would command the same level of caution. Getting your skull pried open by an ocean of ghouls ranks a bit higher on the faux pas list than interrupting the Carrie remake. But also, Gerry wasn't just a regular dude.
Gerry was hand-picked for this world-saving mission because he was the best investigator the U.N. could get their hands on -- they rescued him from the zombie chaos specifically so he could do this. He has years of experience running covert ops in war-torn countries and has already seen what the zombies are capable of, and what attracts them. Not doing a cursory check of "Do I have noise-making devices in my pocket?" on the way out the door to a fucking stealth mission to save the human species from annihilation is like the president forgetting to wear pants to the inauguration.
Or wearing a douchey scarf in 115 degree heat.