#2. Credit Card Users Get Infinite Airline Miles from Poorly Thought Out Government Program
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After minting $1 billion in dollar coins, the U.S. government was desperate to get people to actually use the damn things instead of forgetting about them in the change jar for the next infinity years. So they decided to offer a special program: If you traded your dollars for coins, they'd be delivered right to your door with no shipping charges. Finally, trading in your lame old paper money for shiny new metal was easier than ever!
"Fuck you, vending machine! Try rejecting me now!"
Of course, no one did, because we love our hilariously impractical and outdated paper dollars. Come on! Our wallets are paper-shaped, we're practically helpless here! But a few people saw a golden opportunity to con their way into some free airline miles. You're familiar with the system: Lots of credit cards come with reward plans that give you free stuff (most commonly airline miles) in exchange for using your card for purchases. But by using their reward cards to buy actual, physical money, these clever scammers could just turn around and immediately use the coins to pay off their credit card. In this fashion, people were able to rack up theoretically infinite flights for free. One guy, going by the name Mr. Pickles, claims to have bought $800,000 in coins, earning 2 million frequent flier miles and lifetime platinum elite status. He now gets to board the plane early for the rest of his life, and all without paying a cent. Even as a child, we always knew Mr. Pickles was destined for greatness.
Of course, this meant that the coins weren't actually going into service -- the government was dumping money on shipping to get the coins to people's homes, only to have them immediately deposited right back into the bank. Then folks would just order more, and the government had to pay for them to be shipped again; repeat ad infinitum. They closed the loophole as soon as they found out about it, we all forgot about dollar coins, and our wallets continue to be full of crumpled up germ sheets to this day.
#1. Fighting Athletes Find Common Ground to Make Punching Each Other More Painful
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There are two things everyone knows about hockey: bitchin' mullets that time forgot, and intensely awkward fistfights.
Mike Carlson/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
Meanwhile, you can't even stand on skates.
The NHL has long since accepted that fights are a key part of the sport's appeal, so instead of outlawing them entirely, they just try to limit the damage done. For example: One rule states that you're not allowed to remove your helmet during a fight, or else you receive a two-minute penalty. However, it doesn't count if the helmet comes off "in the course of and resulting from the altercation." Do you see where this is going? That's right: Punching dudes in the face is the mother of invention, and it didn't take long for fighters to spot the gaping loophole that allowed them to rip each other's helmets off for more efficient pummeling.
"Oh, no. I infist."
Sports journalists assume that this loophole will be closed soon, because if there's any business that deeply cares about the sanctity of its players' skulls, it's professional sports.
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Related Reading: While we're on the subject of "trolling", check out what Galileo did to the Pope. But hey, at least mockery isn't as bad as payday lenders who use Native tribal sovereignty to charge unfair interest rates. And just in case you don't believe the justice system is broken, read this.