#3. The Lead Guitarist of Ween Became a Fishing Boat Captain
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In the early 1990s, the alternative duo Ween rose to fame after their helium-voiced single, "Push Th' Little Daisies," baffled the shit out of Beavis and Butthead.
Since then, Ween -- which consisted of Gene Ween (Aaron Freeman) and Dean Ween (Mickey Melchiondo) -- became the very definition of a cult act, attracting thousands of fans while charting virtually no Billboard hits.
Chalk it up to savvy underboob marketing.
After the Spotlight
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Something tells us his guitar face is the same as his pooping face.
To be fair, Dean Ween's been fishing since he was 7. When the band was still together, he would schedule his fishing expeditions around Ween's annual touring schedule. Nowadays, he's a full-fledged fishing boat captain who books tours through his website. Hilariously enough, his site offers basically no evidence of his musical past, save a few snapshots of Primus singer Les Claypool stopping by to say hello.
And this picture of him enjoying the sea with partner Gene Ween.
#2. David Lee Roth Secretly Worked as an EMT
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David Lee Roth was the lead singer of the only worthwhile incarnation of Van Halen, a fashion icon who pushed spandex to the limits, and easily the greatest scat musician ever to grace the planet. Before grunge music made it unacceptable to act like a one-man keg party, Diamond Dave was the feather-haired avatar of debauched good times.
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And he could lay down a mic-stand beating like nobody's business.
After the Spotlight
Between leaving Van Halen in 1985 and reuniting with the band in 2006, Roth found inner peace working as an emergency medical technician in New York City. Yes, that David Lee Roth -- who sang "I reach down between my legs 'n' ease the seat back" and spent most of the 1980s doing airborne splits -- rode with ambulance crews in the dead of night, racking up 200 individual rides and becoming handy with a defibrillator. Apparently Roth took this gig quite seriously -- despite his reputation as a good-time letch, Roth's supervisors gave him top marks.
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His abs alone saved dozens of lives.
And to prevent himself from being recognized and coming across as a glory hound, Roth shaved his sexy mane, although we kind of wish he had gone dressed up in his stretch pants circa 1984. Elderly folks would have constantly been mistaking him for a very flamboyant angel of death.
#1. Guitarist Jeff "Skunk" Baxter Became a Missile Defense Expert
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You know when your dad says he needs his "philosophy time," locks himself in the garage, blasts his old eight tracks, and emerges an hour later, tittering and referring to the dog as "my son with four legs"? Well, there's a good chance he was listening to either Steely Dan or the Doobie Brothers, two bands that hit their stride in the 1970s and benefited from the guitar work of noodler Jeff "Skunk" Baxter.
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Seen here being the classiest man in rock 'n' roll.
After the Spotlight
Even though he rose to fame as a favorite of secretly stoned dads everywhere, Skunk's main gig these days is as a missile defense consultant for the Pentagon.
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"For the first three years, I was just talking about my wang."
Baxter's interest in military technology began in the 1980s, when his neighbor bought him a subscription to an aviation magazine. This casual interest led to a full-time hobby, which eventually led to placement on a congressional panel for missile defense. Over the years, Skunk became known around Washington for devising creative new counterterrorism strategies, a skill that's made the former Doobie Brothers guitarist one of the Pentagon's leading experts.
So if civilization ever needs to form the Musician Avengers, Skunk would qualify as our Nick Fury stand-in, recruiting black belt Dave Mustaine, Iron Maiden lead singer/noted fencer Bruce Dickinson, and that guy who punched out Danzig.
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