#4. Final Objective
At first glance, that car might not look too outlandish -- it's a souped-up custom hot rod, sure, but does it really belong on a list with the limbomobile and a 22-foot-long subsonic golden phallus? Yes. Yes it does. Because Final Objective is a '55 Chevy with a goddamn plane engine in it.
Pictured: Chuck Yeager's wet dream.
That's right -- this Frankensteined Chevrolet custom is powered by a 3,000-horsepower (3,000 horses! That's technically a horse city!) Rolls-Royce Merlin aircraft engine, formerly used in a hydroplane. In a feat of engineering wizardry, the power plant was mounted in the front of the car, backward, and continues under the floorboards to a special two-speed transmission.
Painstakingly created by hot rod enthusiast Rod Hadfield and his team of loyal masochists, Final Objective cost over $1 million and took five years to build. The paint job is based off of a World War II fighter plane from the 352nd Bluenose Bastards of Bodney, and those are 6,000 tricolor rivets studding the body. But the aviation theme doesn't end there, because this '55 Chevy comes with a complete, functional cockpit:
Because if you're going to go batshit crazy, you go all the way.
#3. The Eliica
"Eliica" stands for "electric lithium-ion battery car," which, come on, is just officially cheating at acronyms. The cheatermobile has eight independent wheels, and we mean seriously independent: Each wheel has its own private motor, because eco-friendly or not, the Eliica is not having any of that commie "sharing" crap.
"Pssst, you go left and I'll go right. I wanna see what happens."
Eight motors means more horsepower: 640 horsepower, to be precise. And since it's electric, there's no need for a transmission, thus no getting bogged down by gears. As one test driver put it, the acceleration is "mind-boggling." The Eliica has been clocked at 230 mph, and the creator, one Professor Hiroshi Shimizu, is hoping to push that up above 250 mph.
It rivals the most high-end supercars in every respect. So it's just too bad that it looks like a cybernetic potato bug. But oh well, by the time somebody thinks up a devastating insult for your shimmering eight-wheeled dorkmobile, you'll be two counties away.
#2. A Literal Tank
"Block me in. I dare you."
You know what? That's quite enough screwing around. All of these vehicles are just poor substitutes for what we really want to drive: a literal goddamn tank. But surely that is frowned upon, or else why are all these stupid cars everywhere? If tanks were legal transport for the average citizen, surely there would be nary a Prius in sight for the sea of bobbing artillery clogging our roadways. But it turns out that the only thing stopping you from commuting to work in a war machine is about $25,000 and your own tragic lack of testicular fortitude.
Stephen Ellison lacks no such thing, and that's why he tools around town in a 1974 Sabre light reconnaissance tank, which actually saw action in Kosovo before it was redeployed to its new assignment: taking a British man to the weekly jam market (that's what you Brits do on the weekends, right?). The Sabre is a light tank, and therefore has a top speed of 40 mph. It only needed a few modifications to become street legal: rubber tracks and the deactivation of the gun.
What? Aw, bullshit. What's the point of a tank without a gun? That's like trail mix without M&Ms: It's missing the best part. Well, if you, like any sensible automotive enthusiast, prefer firepower to speed, you can always make like this Iowa man:
He bought a surplus tank from an ad in a military magazine, slapped a rearview mirror and some turn signals on it, and bam! Roadworthy tank. His gun still works, though -- it's just rigged to a propane tank, so it can only shoot blanks. Still, we doubt that the jerk who just cut you off will find any great comfort in that fact once you open fire on his BMW.
#1. A Drivable Batpod
Quick, what's the one thing every sensible man, woman and child wants to be someday? If you said "happy" or "successful," you get right the hell out of our Internet, buzzkill. The correct answer was "Batman." Literally everybody wants to be Batman, and now, for the low, low price of $100,000, you can at least commute like him.
This is a custom replica of the Batpod from The Dark Knight as built by Chopper City, USA, a motorcycle shop in Florida. Although CC USA says it won't come street legal if you buy it, for accuracy's sake ( Batman didn't have to worry about running lights and rearview mirror compliance, but telling the nice police officers who pull you over that "you are the bat" doesn't exactly get you less arrested), they will gladly make it so at your request. Here's what the street legal version looks like, tooling around town:
It's powered by an 850cc Aprilla Mana drivetrain, so while it's not exactly flipping sideways or up walls, riding it sure as hell isn't going to be boring. Oh, and don't worry: Of course you don't have to ride sitting up, like the guy in the video. The instrument panel pops out so you can ride lying down, just like the movie. The part where Batman merges into a garbage truck because he can't physically check his blind spot in that position sadly did not make the final cut of the film.
Oh, and if that's a little out of your price range (What? You don't have a cool hundred grand to drop pretending to be a comic book character?), you can always do like this Vietnam mechanic did, and build your own out of spare car parts and scrap metal.
That version clocks in at just shy of $500, and since he's riding it through live traffic in Vietnam, we're going to say that technically it's street legal. But then, we are talking about Vietnam: A rampaging buffalo is probably street legal there, just as long as you use your hand signals.