At least half of the bad people in the world avoid trying to change because they insist nothing is their fault. It's all due to their childhood, or their genes -- their temper, their weight, their bad habits -- all of it is outside of their control. It's bullshit, right?
Well ... not entirely. As we learn more about genetics, we find that more and more bad habits at least have their roots in our DNA. And once we find the right gene, it's entirely possible we can cure things like...
There used to be a time when a weekend hookup with a lady at the county fair might have life-changing consequences, e.g., her daddy showing up at your doorstep with a shotgun, a preacher and some Gone With the Wind commemorative wedding china. Those days are thankfully long gone, at least until the fathers of loose women and cheated-on wives get ahold of a hormone that forces loved ones to be faithful.
It'll be the end of tennis coaching as we know it.
Welcome to the future, ladies and gentlemen.
Scientists know that the hormone called vasopressin is integral to the formation of social bonds. In the male brain, vasopressin is released during sexual activity and encourages a guy to form an emotional attachment to his partner. But in a survey of 1,000 heterosexual couples, men who had a certain type of vasopressin receptor gene were twice as likely to report dissatisfaction with their marriages.
Imagine a future where being vasopressin negative was something you flaunted on your Match.com page. If you were a women, why wouldn't you want to know about a potential mate's "aptitude for monogomy," as the scientists put it. Hell, if there was a scientific test that could tell you whether the guy who just proposed to you is a ticking cheat bomb, you'd be stupid not to make him take it. Of course, the vasopressin receptor gene might not be terminal for its owner's sex lives. After all, if we can increase the number of vasopressin receptors, we might be able to cure cheating altogether.
Then we can deal with the other tell-tale signs of a mid-life crisis.
In an experiment conducted on prairie voles, males were injected with an artificial gene that boosted the number of vasopressin receptors in their brains. Then each male was paired with one female. Several hours later, a second female was thrown into the mix, because voles likes to party.
The males who received the vasopressin boost spent twice as much time with the original female they'd been paired with, while the males who did not receive the receptor boost spent equal amounts of time with both, presumably while attempting to proposition them for some hot three-way prairie vole action.
Or as they call it, "the vole-tron."
For some of us, getting our work done is just a matter of checking our Facebook news feed, playing a quick game of spider solitaire, updating our Netflix queue, running to the bathroom, pouring a second cup of coffee, doing something about that flappy hangnail on our big toe and then settling down for business. For others, getting work done is a real chore.
"No point in trying to be productive until I've stumbled around my local supermarket stoned as balls for a few hours."
It's easy to write it off as "you're lazy" or "duh, you just prefer not working to working," but there is a specific mechanism in the brain that causes us to delay a task we know we have to get to, and there is a way to get around it.
One reason we procrastinate has to do with dopamine, which is what allows us to draw the connection between the work we do and the reward for completing said work. In the carrot-and-stick analogy, dopamine is the carrot: It gives us the little high when we get close to the finish line, and the anticipation of that high.
A high that only shooting horse in an elementary school bathroom can top.
Here's the glitch: The closer we think we are to earning the reward, the more dopamine our brain releases, and the more we'll be motivated to work. But if we think the reward is a long way off, dopamine doesn't get released, our motivation is squelched, and we end up procrastinating.
If we can block dopamine receptors, we'll just work and work and work, with each task carrying the same weight. We know this because scientists injected a dopamine-blocking DNA construct into the brains of monkeys, as scientists are apt to do, and the DNA totally changed the way the monkeys worked.
This is the least-horrifying way we could illustrate it.
Before the monkeys got the worky juice, they learned to read visual cues that told them how many more tasks they had to complete, and their performance improved as they got closer to their monkey reward. But after they got a brain dose of special sauce, the monkeys' dopamine receptors were blocked, and they could no longer judge when the reward was coming. And that was when the monkeys got down to business.
So what could this potentially mean for us humans? Well, if we're anything like monkeys (news flash: we are) the results of the study suggest that gene therapy might totally cure procrastination. Trust us, we wish this wasn't true -- the day they cure procrastination is the day the Internet dies.