The wheel. The light bulb. Big Mouth Billy Bass. Great inventions inspire awe, while providing comfort and convenience to the masses. Other inventions inspire second-hand embarrassment and provide a window into the dark souls of the men who created them. In an extended compilation from his Daily Nooner, blogger Ross Wolinsky counts down 10 pieces of irrefutable proof that at least one clerk from the patent office comes to work stoned every day.
10The Flatulence Deodorizer
Filed in April 2000, the flatulence deodorizer "discloses a pad to be worn by a user for absorbing gas due to flatulence."This drawing pretty much sums up the problem: You're at the airport, waiting for your luggage in your favorite "Z" jacket, when suddenly you find yourself emitting odors so foul they require stink lines to be properly illustrated.
If you can get past the I'm-basically-wearing-a-weird-diaper-for-farts factor, this invention is actually a pretty good idea. Or it would be, we guess, if you're like the people in the testimonials on Flat-D.com. Those peoples' lives have been completely ruined by farts. A quick sampler:
"Your product has really helped me in the cramped space of my cockpit. I would sometimes notice the other guys using their mask to get some fresh oxygen ... When I feel the urge I usually quickly install it thru the back of my pants. Then I do not have to worry. It also does a nice job muffling the noise."
"On September 14th mom will be 78 years old, and that's why I'd like to take her to Hawaii ... I've traveled there twice, but she never has because of her flatulence problems."
9Method And Device For Recognition of a Collision With a Pedestrian
The days of plowing your car into things and not knowing whether or not it was a living person are finally over!This patent, which uses sensors in the car's bumper and engine hood, claims to be able to decide "with a high reliability" if that thing you hit was a pedestrian! It also takes into consideration changes in acceleration and whether or not the brakes were used prior to impact to figure it out.
Sounds like a pretty smart system to us. With that in mind, here's a little suggestion for the inventors: When you guys roll out the next version of this thing, maybe it'd be better if it actually PREVENTED the collision. That would probably make it slightly more useful. As it stands, all this really does is keep a tally of how many vehicular homicides you've committed.