8Animal Ear Protectors
Do you have a dog with long, floppy ears, and if so, do you give it food? And if you give it food, is it always getting its long, floppy ears covered in the food that you give it? Is this actually a serious problem that you have to deal with? If so, you should write a letter to your local pet accessory manufacturer and let them know about US Patent #4233942.
Then again, if this is a legitimate concern for you, you might also ask yourself, "What's wrong with my dog? Why can't it clean the excess food off its ears?" Or maybe, alternatively, "Will my dog look any less dumb walking around with these stupid tubes around its ears than it would with crusted-up dog food all over itself?" Then maybe, finally, "Why do I even own a dog? I don't have time to deal with this bullshit."
7Jet Powered Surfboard
To be honest, a jet powered surfboard isn't really pointless at all. Say you're out in the Pacific carving a SICK pipeline and a shark creeps up on you. On a normal board, you'd be like "bummer," but on a jet powered board, it'd be more like "no problemo!"
Also, just think of the cinematic possibilities that jet powered surfboards would open up. If they ever end up doing that long-awaited Point Break sequel, can you imagine the chase scenes they could pull?! They'd make the hoverboard sequence from Back To The Future II look like a big pile of shit.
So yeah, it'd be great if these were commercially available, but they should probably come with one of those body counter devices from invention # 9 because jet powered surf boards would almost certainly kill hundreds (if not thousands) of people every year. Of course, these would be people who could enter the afterlife knowing they had died the most awesome death possible.