15. Elegant Elliott Offen is either legitimately insane or SO sane that he has us all fooled. Either way, he's hilarious. Anyone who' lived on New York's Upper East Side has had the pleasure of seeing him run right up 2nd Avenue in lingerie. Or whatever the fuck he wears when he runs.
14. High-Pitched Eric' dead fish phobia: What kind of guy is like 300 pounds, yet is afraid of a dead cod? The same retard whose voice sounds like Mickey Mouse got hit in the nuts. Of all his oddities- and much to the delight of the E! crew- it was discovered that dead fish paralyze Eric with fear.
13. Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf is one guy who won't be making the move to Sirius for sure. With unforgettable quips like, "Go have sex with Jesus Christ, you faggot!" Hank will be dearly missed as long as angry drunken dwarfs are funny (read forever).
12. The Girl who "Lights up a Room": Of the dozens (hundreds?) of evaluations that have been conducted over the years- be it for Playboy, or the Intern Beauty Pageants- this one from 1997 stands out. Judges Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes and AJ Benza had to hand down the bad news to an aspiring actress who thought she "lit up a room." Not only did she not light up a room, Howard recommended that she go "light up a cigarette."
11. Jeff the Vomit Guy: This psychopath gets turned on from women puking on him. Or at least that' what he claims- might've all been a ploy to get on the show. Anyway, what made it eye-tearingly hilarious was not him getting yakked on, but listening to Howard and crew watch him get yakked on. Bababooey gagging over a bucket. Way before MTV knew what Jackass was.
10. The Channel 9 Show: Once a year, Howard let' a caller through asking about when this will finally be released on DVD. We're still waiting on the good news. It seems to be out of Howard' control- an ownership issue. The Channel 9 Show (WWOR-NY) '90-'92 TV run was many a fans' first intro to Howard, or at least provided the shocking revelation that Robin Quivers wasn't white. From Kenneth Keith Kallenbach attempting to blow smoke out of his eyes to Stuttering John "interviewing" Imelda Marcos, to the final episode' no-questions-barred "Sternlywed Game," no one could believe what we were seeing. Howard got away with murder every week. It was the greatest.
9. Erica the Gymnast: Possibly the sweetest, cutest girl-next-door ever on the show… looking to win implants. Killer athletic body, but yes, her chest was flatter than a week-old open soda. It didn't matter to Howard and the guys, though- they found her so endearing (and fit) that they basically begged her NOT to get the implants. This was the epitome of the "human" Howard shining through: he adjusts his interaction with a woman based on that particular woman. If you're a slut, he interacts with you as such. If you're not a slut, he ratchets up the respect. Well, to a certain degree"¦ this is The Howard Stern Show, after all. The guys clearly all fell in love with Erica, but unfortunately after some semi-innocent nudity, she won the saline bags she was after"¦ with the Howard restriction that she "wouldn't go too big." (Currently available On Demand.)
8. Battle of Wits (Beetlejuice vs Gary the Retard) We're sure many Stern fans would rank this in their Top 3, if not the pole position. With IQs rivaling the final score of most baseball games, Beetlejuice and Gary engaged in a trivia bloodbath moderated by Howard. Brain-bending questions included spelling "RED"-which Beetlejuice couldn't achieve, despite Gary (sitting right next to him) spelling it correctly THREE times. Right in front of him. Funniest aspect of all of this? Jackie cackling in the background throughout the entire contest.
7. The Jesus Twins: To this day, some maintain that these guys (along with their "manager") were a comedy troupe. Robin really thought so. In early 1997, right before Howard' Private Parts movie was set for release, The Jesus Twins- emulating obnoxious rock stars- demanded to be on the radio show, demanded to have their music played and demanded that it be included on the Private Parts soundtrack. They accomplished the first two. These guys were SO obnoxious and SO ridiculous in their approach, that Howard actually loved them. Gary, Jackie and Stuttering John felt the opposite"¦ and on top of that, the twins almost got into fisticuffs with Crackhead Bob, right there in the studio!
6. Win Fred's Money: The quiet sound effects genius of the show- who' been with Howard the longest- sometimes gets to make noise that' not pre-recorded. His impressions are A+, but there' no better spotlight venue for him than Win Fred' Money, in which a listener or occasional celebrity challenge his general world knowledge, a la Ben Stein. Confident, but never cocky, Fred Norris usually kicks ass. Once in a blue moon he' defeated, but mild-mannered Fred just shrugs it off.
Continue on to moments 5 through 1