Why It Rules: If you tried to market this video under the title "Understanding Your Goth," you could make millions of dollars selling it to confused and desperate parents around the country. You wouldn't even need extra features - the DVD could be two minutes long. Why would it sell? Because it teaches you everything you need to know about goth teenagers: A: They are awkward wretches. B: They're friends with fat chicks. C: They're gonna be really embarrassed in a few years. Pay close attention to the first two seconds of the video. Did you see that? Wait, no - rewind it. Did you see it that time? What the hell was that? Some kind of goth ballerina move there? The icing on the cake would be his friend's excruciating pause/paws pun at 1:25, but goths hate cake, right? What would be a better phrase there? The maggot on the corpse? The blood on the ankh? Oh, wait - goths hate phrases, too. I'm going to go light some candles and blow my brains out with a shotgun. How's that?