The Path to 9/11: More Deleted Scenes


National Security Advisor SANDY BERGER bursts into the Oval Office.

Bill, Bill! We have him in our sights!

Not now, Sandy.

A wide shot reveals that Clinton is engaged in an orgy with CHER, JANE FONDA and RICK JAMES.

But Bill — there's a Special Forces team in place in Afghanistan, looking down at the site where he and his top lieutenants are encamped. If they can just call in an airstrike —

Goddamnit, Sandy, now I'm going to have to start all over. Sorry about that, babe.

That's okay.

You need to listen to me â€"

Clinton jumps up, agitated, and puts on a robe made out of marijuana leaves.

What did I tell you on your first day in office, Sandy?

I — I can't remember sir.

I said that nothing — N-O-T-H-I-N-G, nothing â€" is more important to me than my own personal well-being and sexual fulfillment. Hedonism is something I take quite seriously, Sandy. And you sound ridiculous. Uptight and ridiculous.

Clinton adopts a mocking, girlish lilt.

I'm Sandy Berger, and I'm scared of Osama bin Laden! I'm so worried he's going to attack us. Maybe he'll ride an elephant through Bill's motorcade, or fly his magic carpet into the Pentagon!

Cher, Jane Fonda, and Rick James laugh hysterically. Cher does a line of cocaine off of Fonda's back.

Berger turns slowly and solemnly walks away.

Come back, Sandy! How could we ever have fun without your bright, cheerful presence?

Clinton swallows a handful of multicolored pills while the rest of his friends encourage him to rejoin the orgy.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!