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Election '08: The 12 Worst Candidate Websites


Like religion, mediocre classic rock and 9/11, the Internet is the latest thing presidential candidates are "all about" exploiting. The only problem is, the grandparent-ish crowd currently running for our highest office has no idea what the Web is, let alone how to create a decent website on it. Join CRACKED.com on a depressing journey through the misguided, awkward campaign websites designed by the leading presidential candidates (and the bib-wearing, barely functional staffers who have so poorly advised them).

THE DEMOCRATS
HILLARY CLINTON (HillaryClinton.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Like her campaign, the site is pitch-perfect on the exterior in every way, although several international human rights laws were no doubt broken to achieve the effect.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
"Be a Hillraiser"-it' like being a Hellraiser, only you have to stay sober and your youth officially dies!

WEIRDEST MOMENT
More so than any other candidate, Clinton touts ridiculously meaningless endorsements, like this poo-poo approval from the Nevada state treasurer:

JOHN EDWARDS (JohnEdwards.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Yawn, John Edwards. Yawn.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
The "Grassroots Fundraising" initiative, which is systematically and centrally organized by Edwards' enormous campaign, and therefore not really "grassroots" at all when you think about it.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
Unlike most other politicians, Edwards still makes a noble effort to use the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina to grandstand for personal gain. His concern is no doubt genuine, but so is his dedication to publicizing himself. (Do most volunteers parade around the 9th Ward with a camera crew and a microphone clipped to their shirts?)

JOE BIDEN (JoeBiden.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
It' tough to get a feel for the site with Joe Biden' floating head staring at you the whole time. Apparently, his campaign felt that if their man watched you-intently, longingly and judgmentally-from the top right of the site throughout your entire JoeBiden.com experience, you'd be hypnotized into contributing.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
"Get Email From Joe Biden." Wow, you mean he'll write an electronic mail just for me?

WEIRDEST MOMENT
This image shows how, on a recent campaign stop, Senator Biden threatened the life of a six-year-old boy.

DENNIS KUCINICH (Kucinich.us)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
There is no doubt that this website was designed by the candidate himself.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
The 35-years-late peace symbol with the American flag inside of it. Real fucking mature, Dennis Kucinich.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
Kucinich' wife is a smoking hot, 30-year-old hippie. Well, smoking hot for politics, anyway.

BARACK OBAMA (BarackObama.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
There's something a little odd about being asked for our credit card numbers while being teased with videos of Barack Obama eating dinner-like we've accidentally stumbled onto a pay-fetish website we're not soon to forget.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
"Join Obama Mobile" so that you can hear about his campaign on your cell phone, because you definitely won't hear enough about it on TV, the radio and the Internet.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
The Obama store offers this sexy, form-fitting women' tank top. Because if there' one thing that gets me hotter than a barely covered set of mams, it' a barely covered set of mams with Barack Obama' handsome face plastered over them.

OVERALL IMPRESSION
He' got our vote. Which other candidate' agenda includes "Creating fortune for all Americans and making America a land of music"? Plus, the classy, low-resolution image of the flag plastered behind the entire site lets people know that Mr. Lanakila Washington super loves America all time lots.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
Washington' senior prom photo on the homepage tells visitors that he is an educated and virile man, and would like to buy you a nice dinner if you're not busy this Friday night.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
The proudly displayed picture of Washington speaking at a peace rally with three whole attendees.

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