The 7 Most Underrated Movie Henchmen
When you think of great movie henchmen-in other words, villains in the service of other nastier, most likely stupider villains-you probably think of guys like Goldfinger's Oddjob, Jack Palance in Shane, or Art Garfunkel. But what about those cinematic henchmen who defended their masters, tried (and failed) to beat up the good guys in the penultimate fight scene, then drifted into cinematic obscurity? Not only did these poor bastards have to endure the embarrassment of being merely the second-evilest person in the movie, but they never even scored the ironic foothold in the national consciousness that they so clearly deserved.
In honor of those lost legends, CRACKED.com presents the top seven movie henchmen who never became popular, despite their obvious and overpowering awesomeness.
The evil Doc Hopper needs someone to whack Kermit the Frog, and, not seeing any other reasonable means to kill a felt puppet, hires the sinister, harpoon gun—toting Snake Walker. After putting Snake on the payroll, he politely introduces him to the rest of the crew:
Doc Hopper: This is Snake Walker. Tell 'em what you do, Snake.
Snake: [removing goggles] Kill frogs.
While that might sound like a rather limited skill-set, and though the full-body speed skater's unitard he wears under his clothes might seem a bit excessive, we're not asking questions. That's because it turns out Snake is one determined, evil-looking son of a bitch. Killing frogs is what he does, and while business has admittedly been slow, it's about to pick up.
He's ultimately stopped by the gigantic gamma-irradiated Muppet called Animal, which itself sounds like it should be the creature in a Peter Benchley novel. But you can bet that Snake Walker is still out there somewhere stalking Kermit even to this day, the Boba Fett of the Muppet universe. It's comforting to think of Kermit, even while romancing Miss Piggy or engaging in witty conversation with Gonzo, constantly casting an eye over his shoulder.

The hulking, vaguely humanoid robot Maximillian was the henchman of Dr. Hans Reinhardt (a villain whose primary character trait, it seems, was having crazy blow-dried hair. In this he excelled). Maximillian is a Swiss army knife of destruction, with laser arms, whirling blade arms, a juicer, a blow-drier (for his boss), more laser arms-you name it, he's got it and is probably going to use it to murder you. Plus, he never says anything; he just stares at you and follows you around-even to the bathroom, waiting patiently outside while you do your business.
Even Maximillian's own boss is a little freaked out by Maximillian. And with good reason: When the shit inevitably hits the fan later in the film, the big red robot leaves Dr. Reinhardt trapped beneath some wreckage and hops into an escape craft. Every robot for himself, sucker!
In the psychedelic ending of The Black Hole, Reinhardt is trapped in Maximillian's body, standing atop an infernal landscape. Owned! Who's the boss now, smart guy? Maximillian-King of Hell, fools!

Gary Busey, as he tends to, lends a certain authentic psychotic intensity to the role of Mr. Joshua, the blond chief enforcer of the criminal mercenary Gen. McAllister. The first thing you should probably know about Mr. Joshua is that he's wound a little tight, like a Ritalin kid with an automatic weapon. So you probably shouldn't laugh at his name. (Is Mr. Joshua really the best they could come up with? Did he used to be a talking owl that befriended children in a magical forest?)
At one point, at his boss's request, Mr. Joshua holds his forearm above a lit cigarette lighter just to prove how hard he is. (There's got to be a less permanently disfiguring way to illustrate this. Maybe a bench-press contest?) Later, when he is supposed to be sneaking around, he screams "It's fucking Christmas!" and shoots a TV set playing the old classic A Christmas Carol with his assault rifle. While it's unclear whether that moment was scripted, or just footage of Gary Busey at the on-set Christmas party, one thing is certain: Mr. Joshua needs to chill the fuck out.
Of course, he's on a collision course with Mel Gibson's equally crazy Det. Martin Riggs. The two maniacs finally go hand-to-hand on Danny Glover's front lawn in a frenzy of elbows and headbutts while a bunch of cops stand around and watch. (Hey, it's Los Angeles.)








I wanted to see Tavington die SO BADLY when I first saw "The Patriot". I was in full histrionics from my hatred of the guy's character.
Replyhow can you be underrated if you get to fight Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon????
Replyerg, i don't like to acknowledge the existence of Road warrior. i'm thankful it, ahem, "invented" the post-apocalyptic genre... but let it go. it was a piece of shit. halfway through the movie, i didn't want to see the protagonist succeed, or the innocents saved, or whatever, i just wanted the goddamn movie to end.
ReplyBut you still watched it through to the end, right?
I also wouldn't consider Wez underrated. He was the scariest part of that movie.
ReplyI would consider an under-rated henchman to be that guy with the gas-mask and the knives in his hands from the first Hellboy movie. He never got to do much of anything.
Nitpick: I don't consider Wez underrated. I'm the squarest guy you'll ever meet and even I knew about him.
ReplyAlso, I wouldn't consider Tavington to be a henchman, he was the main villain. Sure he's a subordinate officer within the British Army, but within the context of the story he's the Big Bad.
Huh, I never connected Wez and that guy in chainmail shirt in "Commando."
ReplyOf course, I was too distracted by Virginia "Hey, now!" Hey and her Cheekbones of Lustrous Beauty.
the rob roy one is dead on. he was a great villain.
ReplyYep. He was the best part of the entire movie.
I realize that by today's standards, The Black Hole probably looks a little dated, and considering the advancements we've made in astronomy, there's not enough suspension of disbelief to allow you to think someone would survive a journey into a black hole, but in 1979, when I was 8 years old, holy s**t was Maximillian one scary motherfucker.
Replyespecially considering it was a Disney flick. Anthony Perkins gets a cuisine-art shoved up his chest and everybody except for the three leads go to Hell? Pretty Dark.
Actually, that Tough German is Jeremy Bullock, the guy who played Boba Fett in the first trilogy.
ReplyI think the other tough nazi guy in Raiders deserves an honourable mention, the one that got hacked up by a propellor. He got a spanner in the face, and kept on smiling.
ReplyVernon Wells also played the exact same Wez character in Weird Science.
ReplyTavington was based on a real dude, called Tarleton. Should he still count?
ReplyThe Black Hole is underrated all together, far too few people have seen it. Jason Issacs was the best thing about The Patriot. A bit of editing with windows movie maker, splicing it with The Last Minute and Braveheart and Tavington smashes Mel Gibson in the face with a sledgehammer before he dies horribly. I unfortunately left my edited version in the wrong box and had a very confused friend who borrowed it one time.
ReplyWhat about R.M. Renfield?
Replyas played wonderfully by tom waits, f**k yes
Oh yeah and The Skull from Scarface.
ReplyNewsflash: Archibald Cunningham was the main villain of Rob Roy, he wasn't the henchman. If he wasn't the main villain, who was? And don't say the Marquis di Montrose because Roy is only taking on Montrose because of Cunningham.
ReplyAlso there are a few henchman who should've been here:
Gettler from the 2006 version of Casino Royale
Lurtz from the first Lord of the Rings movie
Zack from Beverly Hills Cop
Mercer from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies
Admiral Piett from the original Star Wars trilogy
Tex from the 3rd Dirty Harry flick
Captain Darrow from The Rock
General Ourumov from Goldeneye
And Varden Reynard from Rush Hour 3
i was going to say that about the guy from rob roy, and there was another one, oh yeah the guy from theh patriot, i mean was he king georges henchman? because i thought he was the actual villian of the movie
Yeah, the king was, after all it was on his orders that the whole subjugation thing was happening. so yeah in Rob Roy, the Patriot and Braveheart, the King of England is the main villain. Thank goodness for patriots who don't know when to give up.
Lee Van Cleefe's henchman, Wallace, in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
ReplyBAAADDD fat bastard
wallace is the ugly, so no he isnt a henchman either, in fact you could say he was clints henchman more than van cleef(the good and the ugly have that scheme where clint shoots wallaces rope just as they hang him, so he can keep turning him in)
Tuco is The Ugly, played by Eli Wallach. Cpl. Wallace is Angel Eyes' henchman who beats up Tuco, played by Mario Brega, who appeared in all three movies of the Dollars Trilogy. You seem to have somebody confused. But yeah, All of Brega's characters are pretty imposing henchmen, as Chico in A Fistful of Dollars, Nino in For a Few Dollars More, and Cpl. Wallace in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
how come no bond henchman are on here? they sure have some one-track skills but come on, you picked a muppets villain and no bond ones,
ReplyYou should go look up what "underrated" means.
hey f**k that when i was a wee lad i saw the muppets and i was (ashamed to admit) crying my eyes out at the thought that dude was gonna off kermit,