The 5 Most Kick-Ass Apocalyptic Prophecies

#4. The Coming of Gochihr

Source: The ancient Persian religion of Zoroastrianism.

What to watch for:
A comet named Gochihr strikes Earth, causing the human race to act "like a sheep being attacked by a wolf."

What comes next:
Waves of holy, molten metal ripple across the entire surface of the world. All people, living and dead, will be judged. Those who have spent their time feeding the poor and not making fun of people with bad haircuts will be able to swim around in the lava-like "warm milk." The heartless ones, such as murderers and cruel reality-show judges, will be burned until their sins are gone. Most of us will wind up doing the flaming backstroke long before the screaming stops.

As the burning continues, a virgin-born man named Saoshyant, or "one who brings benefit", will defeat the forces of evil and usher in a perfect world where no one ever suffers or dies.

Can you survive it?
Sure. Even the worst cat-raping bastard is only looking at three days of agony, followed by eternal paradise once all the bad parts are gone. It' fairly easy to see why Zoroastrianism makes the followers of newer religions irritable.

A heavy metal album cover for reference:
DragonForce - Sonic Firestorm

Zoroastrianism has the first recorded "End-of-the-World" prophecy, making it kind of like the Lord of the Rings: It inspired a whole generation of more recent and exciting works, but was boring as hell until Peter Jackson made a movie out of it. With only one comet and a single battle, Zoroastrians simply cannot compete in the modern apocalypse market. Still, originality earns it a 5/10.

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