Larry The Column King: Column Numero Two

CRACKED.com, Hello! Are you there, CRACKED.com?

Where's Brooklyn at?

May God kill me now if I'm wrong, but seven is my lucky number! I wish I were a robot!

When I travel in Europe, I often use a fanny pack to carry my wallet and some candies! Did anyone else watch this week's episode of LOST or was I the only one?

In case you're wondering, my blogs are numbered in different languages to give them an international feel! Why can you eat an apple- skin and all- but not do the same with a banana?

I often have to scratch my balls while I'm on the air... In terms of bang for your buck, Old Spice is still the best aftershave out there! Remember Grover Cleveland?

I'll bet teacups to testicles that more people like dogs than cats!

Every night, I pray for the sweet release of death. Grim Reaper, hello!

I called in and donated $5 to my local PBS station... I needed to give $15 to get a free tote bag... I'm cancelling my trip to Paris!

Do you think lobsters could use a typewriter with those claws of theirs? Let me go out on a limb- I think vegetables are an important part of a healthy diet!

Where would we be without oxygen? I curse USA TODAY and spit on their grave!

I just saw the preview of Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau in that new Pink Panther movie... Do I smell an Oscar?

Have you seen these new Sony Playstations? I'll be darned if those moving images didn't give me heart palpitations!

May I get syphilis and die if it's not the God's honest truth, but I think capitalism works! I'm not the only one who's incontinent!

Seriously, where is Brooklyn at? I've been wandering around New York, New York all day and I can't seem to find Brooklyn!

You will not find a better product on the market than Grecian Formula... I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing wrong with a man receiving anal stimulation!

That Tony Robbins makes some good points... My pacemaker works on batteries!

The older I get, the better looking 18 year olds get!

Is it just me, or has John Candy's vacation from the pictures just about run its course? Come back John! Where's my Metamucil?

Until next time, I'm Larry King for CRACKED.com!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

5 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!