How to Dress Like a Celeb for Halloween

Here are a few ideas for celebrity costumes as frightening as they are contemporary:

1. Tara Reid

This one is recommended for those of you ladies who really like the sauce. Just grab a half-empty bottle of Vodka (especially if it's one of those uncommon brands that are always holding promotional events with free booze), mess up your hair, smear your make up, expose a nipple, and stumble around all night slurring either, "Serrriously ... I'm not a party girrl" or "Where's my fucking cell phone?" until you pass out publicly, ideally exposing your panty-less genitals. The next morning, wait for your agent to call.

2. George Bush Not Caring About Black People

Also an easy costume to put together (provided you're not actually a racist). All you've got to do is throw on a conservative suit and tie, throw some flour in your hair, and convince one of your black friends to follow you around all night. Every time he says anything, loudly remark, "Shut your mouth, Blackie! I don't care about you!"

3. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Dress up like a gay biker (like assless leather chaps gay - the gayer, the better), and act all affectionate with your preggers "girlfriend" who walks around all night in a daze that could only be the result of severe Scientological brainwashing, I mean "auditing". Even better if you make her carry around an old clock radio that has "E-meter" written on it. Also, you'd better jump up and down on every fucking sofa you encounter.

4. NBC's Marketing Wizards

This is one of those costumes for people who don't like to get "Dressed Up". Basically, you and your friends just walk around all night, loudly talking about how much you're enjoying NBC's new fall line-up. Just like on the radio ads, you should drone on and on in fake "real conversation" about how funny you think My Name Is Earl is, how The Office stars Steve Carrell from The 40 Year-Old Virgin and how Joey is just like Friends! This is a good costume to wear if you want to be savagely beaten throughout the evening by all the people who hear you, then become outraged by your fraudulent, thinly veiled condescension and assumption that we're all idiots.

5. Kate Moss' Cocaine

This one is REALLY easy. Just wear all white, cover your face in white paint, and wrap saran wrap all over yourself until you look like an uncut kilo that just fell off a Cuban rowboat bound for Miami. But DON'T FORGET to carry around a half-naked Barbie doll with blood all over her nasal area (extra points if you can figure out a way to get a Ken Doll to resemble Pete Doherty!)