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Nostalgic T-Shirts of Tomorrow

By Clive Bannister May 3, 2006 10,590 views
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In 2006, a vintage-looking nostalgic T-shirt is pretty much the sweetest thing you can wear. Shirts that evoke people, places and things from the 80s sell like hotcakes, so we started to wonder: what kind of nostalgic tees will people be wearing in 20 years? To answer that question, we did what we always do-had a moonlight séance. After a lot of shirtless candle wax antics (don't ask), we looked into the future, and here are the T-shirts we saw for sale in 2026.


Look at how enormous those things were! Seth Cohen phones were hilarious, right?


Hey-who could forget the late, great Jon Stewart? Whether or not conspiracy theorists' claims that the Jeb Bush administration ordered the 2009 killing are true, we sure do miss him. So grab your own personal "Moment of Zen" with this bitchin' tee.


With the 2013 collapse of Social Security and MediCare, we all started to lose something we loved despite the smell-old people. Just kidding-miss you, grandpa!


Last seen way back in 2014 near the tiny island of Greenland, snow was some kind of frozen rain that literally fell from the sky. Whatever-talk about old school!


A lot of us still have dope memories of North Michigan from our childhoods, when folks still called it "Canada." But after the 2019 oil raids and 2020 invasion, C-town went the way of the elderly-gonzo!


Who could forget how, after all those Canadians became US property, we made 'em block off our southern border to keep out the 12 million Mexicans we gave the boot in the Great Purge of 2021? Now that's "isolation-awesome!"


Remember Fords? They were total pieces! So when those egghead Japanese figured out how to make a car run on water in '15, Ford's fuel-efficient all-tricycle products didn't seem so awesome anymore.


Like "snow," the Ozone Layer is something a lot of us recall from the 00s. Back then, you could just take your shirt right off without your nipples getting engulfed in flames. Talk about a sunburn!


When Prime Minister Hillary passed all those social reforms in '17, guys like Tom Selleck became a thing of the past. Sure, the castrations and shavings were necessary, but you gotta love an underdog!




We Americans have never been a bunch to shy away from some good eats. Who could resist the super-popular 2019 Burger King/McDonald's/KFC joint venture, the MegaSuperHappyFun Egg-n-Butter-n-Steak-n-Cheese BaconBurger Wrappp?


Hey, remember before the Bush brothers' glorious 2019 coup d'état when we all still had the ability to make choices? That was back when the government didn't give us MegaSuperHappyFun Egg-n-Butter-n-Steak-n-Cheese BaconBurger Wrappps for every meal! They're awesome, right?! Right?! RIGHT?!


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6 Comments

are you insane?
under the Bush regime, we've lost more freedom than ever

12/23/2008 12:29:59 PM
PalinIsNotAMILF

THe cell phone bit was good the rest was all lefty stupidity the last shirt shows that, all the right wants is free will dumbass, the left is all about big government and facism get a clue lefties

6/26/2008 2:59:03 PM
AbeFrohman

ZzZzZz where's the joke

3/20/2008 6:53:25 PM
Elementalblazer

Christ, can't you lefties tell one f*****g joke without bringing up Bush? It's been eight f*****g years. Get the f**k over it and find some new jokes, you paranoid hack bastards.

3/20/2008 7:01:07 AM
The Apologist

i would so buy one of those cellphone shirts

1/23/2008 12:32:13 PM
enagonios

Yeah, man, no kidding!
Come one, come all to 1984!

1/13/2008 2:46:27 PM
GuesssWho

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