Tell Stevie Wonder that he better watch his back, because I\'m coming for him. Tell him if he sees a dude with a machete and a t-shirt that reads \'Daniel\' that it\'s already too late. Tell him that.
Welcome to \'So You Need to Disarm a Chimpanzee,\' the 23rd entry in the popular \'So You Need To\' disaster survival guide book series. Thanks for stopping by.
As most of you know, Cracked.com is actually my night job. My real job is, and has been for the last several years, Chief Editor in Chief at O'Brien & \'Sons\' Erotic Fiction Publishing House, where I\'ve been overseeing the publishing and distribution of thousands of the most successful Erotic Fiction novels to hit the stands.
It's no secret that I've been trying to break into the publishing world. Devotees will recall that my first book, Holla Atta Bitch: The Gentleman\'s Guide to Snaggin\' Skanky Blonde Hoodrats is still without publisher for reasons that will never be clear to me.
The Puppy Torture-Mindwipe Showdown is a method I\'ve personally employed for a while now. It is, to date, the most effective way to evaluate the merits of jokes, regardless of how unorthodox it may at first seem.
