How I Spent Last Night (According to Eye Witness Testimony)
"I sincerely look forward to taking your shit."
"So what's this all about, friend-o? I've got a perfectly legal group sex party to go to in an hour. Which reminds me, can I keep these cuffs?" The detective laughed and shook his head, which I took to mean "Sure."
"Hopefully this won't take that long, Mr. O'Brien. I'm Detective Harland Dale, by the way. I've just got a few questions, no need to be alarmed."
"Oh, I'm gonna be alarmed. I'm locked in an interrogation room with two detectives and my hands are cuffed. Seems sort of excessive for 'a few questions,' wouldn't you agree?" Detective Dale tilted his head to the side and looked puzzled for a moment before smacking his forehead in the realization.
"Oh, 'two detectives,' I see, you mean Miranda," he said, indicating the woman in the corner. "She's not a detective. She's sort of a... stenographer, I suppose. She'll be taking down transcripts of today's conversation, she's just doing notes, I'm the only detective here."
Labor Day.
"It deserves a party, is my point, it deserves some recognition. So Brockway and I, we decide to throw a classy little shindig, right? Not just because of Labor Day. Between the fact that Brockway's book is now available for pre-order and the recent announcement that Cracked will also be publishing a book, we had a lot to celebrate. So we had some drinks. We bought some champagne, we wore top hats, real classy stuff. Brockway even had a monocle. A regular Mr. Peanut, this guy."