I\'m going to ask you to do something that\'s very difficult. You won\'t like it. It might even hurt a little bit, but please. For just a moment. Consider Charlie Sheen.
I got a strange email the other day from a man named Tye Sprice who claimed to be a representative of Dove, (the soap company). He said he really enjoyed Cracked, he loved our series Agents of Cracked, and he wanted Dove to be involved financially in whatever our next project was going to be.
These are terrible meals invented by awful people who hate you, and they're perfect for anytime it dawns on you that the entirety of human existence is just an insignificant sneeze on the spectrum of time. And I have had every one of them.
Oddly, what the Insane Clown Posse categorize as \'magical unexplained mysteries\' involve things like \'rainbows\' and \'giraffes\' and \'magnets.\' Somewhere down the line, the public school system has failed Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope.
I'm going to pitch a movie to you. We meet Steve and Carol, the perfect couple. They're happy, attractive people who seem to have everything. Then Carol gets pregnant, and Steve's dark secret is revealed: His entire family is midgets.
Friends and Lovers, I have amazing news. According to \'The Hollywood Reporter\', Warner Brothers is planning on making an action-adventure movie \'based\' on Leonardo da Vinci called \'Leonardo da Vinci and the Soldiers of Forever.\' As much as I hate to admit it, I did not make up that awesome, totally rad title. That\'s what the treatment is act
As some of you may know, Warner Brothers is in talks to acquire the movie rights to video games\' great great grandfather, Space Invaders. Not wasting any time, producer Mark Gordon has already commissioned a screenplay for the film and, wasting even less time, I stole it.
It might seem strange to review a trailer but, in fairness, this trailer is six minutes long and contains more plot twists than the entire season of Jersey Shore. So, without further adieu….
By far the most interesting development in the field of machines you can put your wiener in. You can actually carry on full conversations with Roxxxy in what her creator believes is a near-perfect simulation of emotional companionship.
Don\'t just go to Fox and do a late show with them, it\'ll just be more of the same. The internet is the last wild west this world has. Help us fill it with dick jokes.
Sure, Raimi may have done a fine job with the first two films, but it takes a real Spider-man fan like me to completely capture the character. His web-slinging, his trademark wit, a third thing- this script has it all.
We\'re going to learn? From these guys? Man, this is a species so simple that we built perfect replicas in our lab while they still haven\'t even figured out pants. Which, if I\'m being honest, I'm actually okay with.
One quick look at Twitter\'s trending topics could tell you what\'s going on in the world as it happens. Want to find out what celebrity is dead? Check trending topics. [Note: Twitter more often than not inaccurately reported the death of celebrities, so you had to take it all with a grain of retarded.]
Santa learns an important lesson about children. Specifically:
\'They\'re selfish and whiney and crappy at sports,
They\'re stupid and slow and fat and short./
They\'re loud, they\'re lazy, and most don\'t have tits.
Bottom line, Santa: Children are shit.\'
