Dear The Future,
It's me, Daniel. You might know me from all of the subversive, groundbreaking work that changes the face of entertainment that I will eventually do, or perhaps you're familiar with all of the generous charity work I imagine I'll get around to one of these days. And obviously, you recognize my face, as I'm sure it is featured prominently on all of your currency.
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How is the future? Pretty nice I bet. If the predictions I've made are at all accurate, (and history assures me they are), then you've since moved to space when the Earth became completely unlivable as a result of the terrifying Gorgon invasion of 2011. My prophetic visions tell me that sure was one
hell of a battle. Who would have thought the key to defeating them was as simple as sending me into battle armed with only my wits and a thorough index of all of their weaknesses? But I don't need to bore you with stories of my eventual amazing feats on the battlefield; I'm sure you reenact the events every year at various Danielmas festivals around space. You're probably preoccupied with intergalactic space wars and special victims crimes of the moon rape variety, so I'll try to make this letter as brief as possible.
Since most of Earth's physical records needed to be sacrificed to placate the Ghost of Terror Jesus in 2013, you're no doubt wondering what life in 2009 was like. Well, I'll tell you. Right now.
Technology
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You're all in space, drinking gamma rays and eating asteroid hot dogs, so your technology has already developed light years beyond ours, but 2009 was an important year for our pedestrian, caveman technology. While not developed in 2006, 2009 is when Twitter a) really took off and b) finally made some money. Twitter was an up-to-the-second news source that was operated entirely by the public and not the stodgy, ("experienced"), elitist, ("educated"), out of touch, ("unconcerned with Miley Cyrus") dinosaurs of Old Media. This was for and by the