Michael Swaim
I write here sometimes. Also make videos. I also do that one (the videos one) at my own site, Those Aren't Muskets! (www.thosearentmuskets.com). I also do a lot of other stuff, but it's not as directly applicable to the Internet, and I feel like that's what you're probably most interested in. I often shave.
Why 'Harry Potter' Is Based on a Terrible Decision
What if, instead of going to Hogwarts and fighting Voldemort, Harry took his magic and his dumbest friend and hightailed it to America?
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim, Abe Epperson, Cracked Writers
- Published
If Harry Potter Was More Realistic: An Alternate Timeline
What if an 11-year-old Harry Potter had told Hagrid and Dumbledore they could piss right off with all that wizarding B.S.?
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim, Abe Epperson, Cracked Writers
- Published
The 5 Worst Kickstarter Ideas That Actually Got Funded
These are the Kickstarter projects that made my friends and me say, 'Well, surely we can do better than THAT.'
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
5 Things You Should Know Before Making an Indie Movie
Indie filmmakers, heed my warnings. I have scrawled them here, like a madman's crooked notations on a napkin he hopes to somehow put in the hands of a former self, a younger self or a less haunted self.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
Trailer for Swaim's Feature Length Horror Movie
Introducing 'Kill Me Now,' a buzz saw of laughter crunching through your funny bone.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
5 Reasons Women Will Rule the Future
Add it all up, pile on the disproportionate number of male war casualties worldwide, and you're left with the inescapable conclusion that most of the globe will soon be potpourri-scented and sensibly arranged.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
My Brief Time Undercover As Dan O'Brien (Among Others)
Name's Swaim. I'm an alcoholic that can't hold his liquor, and if you thought THAT was funny, you're going to love the one about go f#@k yourself.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
Most Horrifying Writers Room Ever
In December of 2010, the Editors of Cracked.com decided to lock three of their regular writers in a conference room for 30 days. The writers--Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston and Daniel O'Brien--were tasked with creating as many comedically-themed sketch videos as they could. The conference room descended into madness well before day 6.
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- By Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston
- Published
A Guide to Your Local Mall (Post Marijuana Legalization)
When I roll out of bed in the morning, it’s into a big, fluffy pile of pot leaves. Then I laugh and laugh, because my bed IS a big pile of pot leaves, which can only mean I fell asleep in the hash-hammock again! Then I go and shower all of the hash stink off myself and head into work. This routine is pretty common to most native Californians. We a
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
Agents of Cracked: A Daring Tale of Sex, Idiocy and Revenge
Michael and DOB take you on a guided tour of all thirteen groundbreaking episodes on one face melting page.
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- By Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim
- Published
6 Characters Who Show Up in Every Zombie Movie
If we've learned anything, it's that humans are only capable of six psychological reactions to a scourge of the undead. And here they are.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
Where Are They Now? The 5 Strangest Post-'Star Wars' Careers
But Hamill's post-'Star Wars' life has been wildly-successful compared to some of the other greats who suffered the same fate. Here are five men who were integral to the 'Star Wars' franchise but whose careers outside the trilogy were almost almost as sad as Hamill's:
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
The Funniest Comedic Failure in the History of YouTube
Watch, and wonder.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
Hollywood Gives Up: Keanu Reeves to Play Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde
A man whose range is so limited that ninety percent of the characters he plays could shop at the same black trenchcoat store has been earmarked to play both sides of a split personality.
- Authors
- By Michael Swaim
- Published
