Michael Swaim
I write here sometimes. Also make videos. I also do that one (the videos one) at my own site, Those Aren't Muskets! (www.thosearentmuskets.com). I also do a lot of other stuff, but it's not as directly applicable to the Internet, and I feel like that's what you're probably most interested in. I often shave.
The Six Flags Mascot: Like Being Kicked in the Eyes By AIDS
This man has no business giving me advice on anything post-Cold War Era, let alone my choice of amusement park.
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- By Michael Swaim
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The 5 Most Likely Ways Humans Will Become Obsolete
It\'s called the Technological Singularity, and it\'s basically the point at which life as we know it starts losing its shit.
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- By Michael Swaim
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Bearded Insanity: The Phoenix Chronicles
It's Sunday morning, and you know what that means: it's time for our weekly update on Joaquin Phoenix's quest to become the craziest celebrity of all time!
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- By Michael Swaim
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The Ultimate Argument For Legalizing Weeeeeeed
It just makes sense. That’s why I’m throwing my full support behind Assemblyman Ammiano, and in fact, to honor his brave act, I’m going to take ten massive bong rips before continuing to write this.
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- By Michael Swaim
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Why I Should Be Conan O'Brien's New Co-Host
Conan, I want to be your new co-host. Why? Three simple, yet counter-intuitive reasons.
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- By Michael Swaim
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The Epic Ballad Of Sully And The Devil-Birds
Screw keys to the city, screw inaugural invitations. It's time to rock a dedication old school. Sully, this one's for you.
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- By Michael Swaim
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How To Celebrate Valentine's Day (During A Recession)
Here are the secret ingredients to the perfect recession-proof Valentine’s Day date.
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- By Michael Swaim
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An Open Letter To Michael Cera
An Open Letter to Michael Cera RE: The Arrested Development movie.
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- By Michael Swaim
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Letterman's 9 Most Hilariously Awkward Moments
If Letterman thinks the guest isn\'t worth his time (which he lets you know within the first thirty seconds), you\'d be well advised to set the Tivo and microwave a bowl of popcorn, because shit is about to get hilariously awkward.
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- By Michael Swaim
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