Bearded Insanity: The Phoenix Chronicles
Howdy JP-heads! It's Sunday morning, and you know what that means: it's time for our weekly update on Joaquin Phoenix's quest to become the craziest celebrity of all time! Yes, it's issue XVIII of your favorite e-newsletter, Bearded Insanity: The Phoenix Chronicles! Please note: If you signed up for this newsletter hoping to receive information about the ongoing effort to ban disposable razors in Arizona mental hospitals, youve made a mistake. Youre looking for Fuzzy Logic: The Tuscon Tattler. I hope this answers some of the emails that have been flooding my inbox. The Latest and Craziest! JP has unveiled his official rapper name, and its a doozy! When youre telling your grandkids about the actor turned hobo who eventually tried to charge the President and was gunned down by Secret Service agents, you can end with and his name was Young Pheezy. By our calculations, this rap name adds thirty points to JPs overall crazy index. By scrupulously avoiding any use of the powerful imagery associated with the phoenix and relying instead on a garbled parody of every novelty rapper name from the late 80s, hes put himself firmly on the road to becoming an obscure Jeopardy question.
But Young Pheezys been doing more than flipping through his CDs and combining other rappers names. Hes also been out touring, taking his twin products of bored-sounding rap and bewilderment to his fans!
When not bringing you the information you need to make your world a brighter place, Michael serves as head writer for and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!