A Guide to Your Local Mall (Post Marijuana Legalization)
When I roll out of bed in the morning, itâs into a big, fluffy pile of pot leaves. Then I laugh and laugh, because my bed IS a big pile of pot leaves, which can only mean I fell asleep in the hash-hammock again! Then I go and shower all of the hash stink off myself and head into work. This routine is pretty common to most native Californians. We also all surf every morning and are all tan and named Chad.
So naturally, it came as quite a surprise to me, Chad, when I read in this monthâs High Times that a bill that would legalize the recreational use of marijuana in California is JUST NOW heading for a vote. As far as Iâd ever known, smoking pot was and had always been as legal as drinking alcohol, dropping acid, or dropping acid into other peoplesâ alcohol. I surfed over to my private mall to get to the bottom of it.
As my personal shopper Chad soon informed me, the reason weed has always been available at my private mall is that Iâm a billionaire playboy with a private mall. So, I guess mystery solved.
But hey, while Iâm here, it seems like the perfect time to share the wonders of a pot-legal mall with the world (and of course to exercise my 8% âmall ownerâs discountâ)! After all, we Cali-tan-i-dudes are on the verge of legalizing, and itâs only a matter of time before the rest of the states want to look cool and financially solvent too.
So grab a surfboard and letâs carve or jam or whatever they say, because youâre about to get a glimpse into the future of American retail!