I needed to get away from outlets that give me answers without expecting me to internalize them. I had two options for doing so: putting on pants and living in the Ozarks for a month, or playing Carmen Sandiego.
Note: This article is, like, wall-to-wall spoilers. Just a big, sweaty orgy of spoilers in here.
Instead of dropkicking Super Mutants into frag mines, I'm spending my apocalypse scrounging materials to build the perfect armchair for my dining set.
I felt like I was stuck in time. Everything and everyone around me kept going on.
If you screw up stealth missions in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, enjoy looking like the mascot for a bad family chicken restaurant, champ.
It turns out that developers will sometimes throw in a battle that feels like the boss wandered in from a totally unrelated story, like a stripper that shows up at your grandma's funeral.
Who cares about violence and sex? We need ratings that'll help us determine if we'll regret making a purchase.
Every now and then a glitch makes the game so much better than anybody ever could have known.
When people waste money on collector's editions, we don't get to ask why gamers are treated like idiots anymore.
The scariest video game moments ever aren't in horror games.
This game involves more wonderfully ridiculous bullshit than you can shake a stick at. And I'm really good at shaking sticks.
There's a lot more to pro gaming than rolling out of bed at the crack of noon to do battle with racist teenagers using the power of the Internet.
Downloadable content is to games as cannibals are to surgery: Both are meant to make things better, but both can totally eat me.
Many 'serious' elements in our war games are illegal enough in real life to earn you a court martial.
Let's take a moment to gaze upon some killer ideas in this graveyard of canceled games, and wonder what might have been.