You industrious types who take great joy in doing difficult tasks -- go clean your gutters. For the rest of our lazy brethren who are still reading this, probably from bed, we're here to tell you that the future is bright.
It turns out that many of the technologies we automatically peg as modern are actually way older than we think.
Highly trained military personnel, despite the whole 'highly trained' part, are oftentimes just as bad with computers as we are.
Sometimes we need to man up and admit that we're not always the best at what we do. In some cases, nature just rolls its eyes, pushes the scientists out of the way, and shows us how it's done.
Hey, did you hear? Humanity is doomed. Everyone on the Internet is saying so.
Why is it that you and I and everyone else on the Internet are so convinced the world owes us everything, quickly, of the highest quality, and free? How did we get to be such self-entitled little bastards?
It turns out some of the programs and websites you use every day are filled with hidden jokes or secret features that prove that programmers are even nerdier than we had assumed.
How do you make people buy your mundane product instead of your competitor's? With pure BS, of course.
Recognizing you is just the beginning -- the goal is to create software that can all but read your goddamned mind. Don't believe us? Guess what -- the technology exists.
As long as there are wheels to spin and jet engines to slap on things that should not have jet engines, mankind's irrepressible need to go ungodly speeds while looking completely ludicrous shall not be sated.
Everything you've learned from Hollywood about hacking has utterly failed to communicate just how boring it actually is.
You leave digital fingerprints all over everything you do on a computer, and unfortunately for bad guys, it doesn't exactly take a CSI team to find them.
Nobody was ever more batshit crazy than old-timey inventors. Ever.