The Stories From 2019 YouTube Hopes You Forgot

3March: The "Subscribe To PewDiePie" Meme Ends In Tragedy

For much of 2018, the internet was enthralled by the "battle" between PewDiePie and Indian record label T-Series over who would become the most-subscribed-to channel on YouTube. From this, the "Subscribe to PewDiePie" meme was born. And much like PewDiePie, it was soon annoying the living shit out of everyone.

4April: YouTube Recommends Insane Conspiracy Theory Videos To Black Hole Fans

At this point, the world's attention was sucked up and consumed, rather appropriately, by the announcement that scientists had snapped the first-ever image of a black hole. As people flocked to YouTube to watch experts explain this discovery with all the seriousness it deserved, the site started redirecting stargazers toward a video about how humans are actually genetically engineered alien slaves.

5May: YouTube Continues To Not Care About Abuse

You never know where your childhood heroes are going to end up. Barney is now a tantric sex guru, Charlie Brown is now a hardened criminal, and "Brain" from beloved childhood staple Arthur is now a right-wing propagandist by the name of "Steven Crowder."

In May, Vox contributor Carlos Maza spliced together a highlowlight reel demonstrating how for the past several years, Crowder has been subjecting Maza to racist and homophobic invective during the daily verbal diarrheacasts he uploads to his YouTube channel.

Crowder's behavior clearly violates the site's policies against hate speech. Responding to Maza's complaint, however, YouTube confused it for a literal hate speech policy and told Maza that while they found that the videos contained "hurtful" language, Crowder didn't violate their policies because it's important for everyone to be able to "express their opinions." The site was soon forced to backtrack this decision, however, after everyone (including their own staff) pointed out that they were basically A-OKing Crowder calling Maza a "lispy q***r" and an "anchor baby."

6June: A Horrific New Type Of Animal Video Emerges

OK, so we might have been a little harsh on YouTube. It's not all dangerous pranks, pedophiles, cults of personality, conspiracy theories, and homophobia. There are also animal videos, and who doesn't love a good animal vid- oh, goddammit.

In June, it was revealed that a Bond-villain-in-training trend had taken hold on the site. Animal owners would film their pets being attacked and damn near killed by dangerous predators like snakes, only for them to swoop in at the last possible second to save them.

The majority of these videos -- with titles like "Python Attack On Puppies," "Real Anaconda Stalks Cat," and "Brave Man Rescues Family Puppies From Giant Python" -- were filmed in such a way as to suggest that these were all real things that somebody just happened to be walking by while holding a camera. When you dig into them, though, these videos demonstrate practically every hallmark of being staged, what with the multiple angles, continuity errors, and oh yeah, the basic fact that domestic animals don't tend to dick around in python nests.

7July: YouTube Bans An Anti-Nazi Movie ... From 1938

While doing research for a book, writer Matt Novak stumbled upon a copy of Inside Nazi Germany, a newsreel produced in 1938 that was one of the first movies to call out Hitler and the Nazis for their racist crimes.

Although it was shot before Kristallnacht, it's still an important historical document. So Novak uploaded the film to YouTube, where it could hopefully serve as a reminder of how, hot take, Nazis are bad. YouTube then removed the video on the grounds that its content was "not acceptable," and only reinstated it (without any explanation of why it was removed or why it was suddenly acceptable) after Novak wrote an article about it.

8August: It Turns Out Some Channels Get Preferential Treatment Because They Bring in Viewers

In August, The Washington Post revealed that, based on interviews it conducted with several current and former YouTube content moderators, rather than being a Borg-like organism that lives only for CONTENT ASSIMILATION, YouTube plays favorites with content creators worse than us with Skittles. (TASTE THE RAINBOW IN HELL, GRAPE!)

According to the sources, famous content creators who broke the sites rules were frequently given more lenient punishments than other, lesser channels -- which often took the form of a "looser interpretation of [the] guidelines prohibiting demeaning speech, bullying and other forms of graphic content." The moderators also talked about how when they recommended that a channel be stripped of advertising as punishment for rule-breaking, this request would "frequently [be] overruled" by higher-ups in the company if the case involved "higher-profile content creators who draw more advertising."

9September: YouTube Gets Caught Violating Countless Children's Privacy

Just as the internet was beginning to forget that YouTube is essentially a dating website for child predators, the FTC found that it had violated the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act, aka COPPA, aka the law that prohibits websites from collecting data on anyone younger than 13, aka that thing you only know about because of Silicon Valley.

YouTube initially argued that because the site is aimed at a broad age range and doesn't produce child-specific content, they weren't required to follow COPPA. The FTC then quickly pointed out that YouTube had not only maintained and curated content for a separate kids app, but they'd also touted the site's popularity among children to advertisers. Which means they were collecting data specifically related to children. Their obvious lies having been refuted, YouTube coughed up $200 million as an apology -- a sum of money that they probably made back in the time it took you to read this article.

10October: A Troll Admits To Using YouTube's Systems To Blackmail Creators

In October, copyright troll Christopher Brady was forced to pay $25,000 to YouTube after admitting to using the site's copyright enforcement system to blackmail several gaming channels. Under YouTube's current system, channels are allowed only three copyright strikes on their account before the site deletes them. Brady, therefore, would use an army of sock puppet accounts to level two copyright strikes against a channel, then slide into the channel owner's DMs and threaten to launch a third strike unless they paid him several hundred dollars.

It's also thought that Brady used YouTube's system to obtain the home address of one of his victims, which he then used to send an armed SWAT team busting through their door. This is a practice which has legit gotten people seriously injured and even killed.

11November: YouTube Is Called Part Of "The Greatest Propaganda Machine In History"

On November 21, actor Sacha Baron Cohen accepted an international leadership award from the Anti-Defamation League, ostensibly for his long career of making racists, idiots, and racist idiots say the quiet part out loud while on camera. Cohen used his acceptance speech to tear apart social media companies like Facebook and Twitter for caring "more about boosting their share price than about protecting democracy," and he didn't spare YouTube his attention.

12December: Why Are We Still Using This Garbage Site, Again?

There's a rumor that if you make funny and/or clever content for the internet, you'll eventually be rewarded with the fame and adulation you so definitely deserve. For those unwilling to wait to be discovered, however, there's another way: buying fake likes, subscribes, F's in chat, and other types of engagements from click farms.