Cracked Archive - Sports

The 7 Most Condescending Sports Euphemisms

There's sort of a weird dynamic in the world of sports commentary where red-blooded sports-watching men have to tiptoe around certain subjects as delicately as Victorian gentlemen. Because of this, they end up using these euphemistic code words that are in some ways almost worse than just dissing people straight out.


The 5 Most Terrifying Side Effects of Exercise

Running makes you soil yourself. That's all were saying.


5 Ridiculous Sports You Won't Believe Were Olympic Events

In the Olympics as we know them today, new events have to go through a long process of careful consideration before inclusion in the esteemed games. Baseball and Softball have recently been cut, for example, while Rugby and golf have made inexplicable comebacks. We can't just have any random spastic game of Calvinball gaining entry into the pinnacl


The 6 Greatest Athletic Feats Ever (Aren't What You Think)

Here are six events everyone knows as the greatest in the history of sport, and the true stories that actually beat their pants off.


5 Things That Are Apparently OK To Do in the Name of Sports

Unlike LARPing, sports give you a free pass to act ridiculous and buy all sorts of crazy crap.


5 Golf Courses That Can Kill You

The only thing more boring than a game of golf is a steaming pot of brown whole grain rice, and even that is a close call. Over the past few years, we've learned there are two ways to make golf interesting: One involves lightsaber golf clubs and the other involves injecting some homicidal golf courses into the game. Since lightsaber technology is,


How to Still Win Your NCAA Pool! For People Who Lost Already

I'm currently in last place in this year's pool, and with 0 teams remaining in the final 4, the mathematical odds of me winning are... not actually there. So is my situation hopeless? Over the span of my lifetime, yes, but in this specific instance, no. It just means that I can't use math to win. Which is fine, because winners don't use math.


5 Bizarre Brain Hacks That Make You Better at Sports

Talent, hard work, desire -- they're all nice if you're trying to get to the top of your sport. But all other things being equal, there are a few other factors that give one side the edge.


5 Reasons Riding a Bike Is The Most Humiliating Exercise

Little kids learn how to ride bikes before they learn how to tie their shoes -- which is way more dangerous than it sounds after reading this article.


Ben Roethlisberger's Super Bowl Media Day: Translated!

A closer look at Roethlisberger's statements from Super Bowl Media Day.


The 10 Most Insane Acts of Violence in Kickboxing History

Geologists can't explain why the ground shook for a moment, but wise men say that it was the erections of ancient war gods raging under the Earth.


The 9 Most Unintentionally Depressing Pro Wrestling Gimmicks

Any professional wrestler will tell you that the hardest part of the job is coming up with your gimmick. You need to be outrageous and distinctive without being ridiculous. It's a subtle art, one not easily mastered.


7 Athletes Who Had More Crazy Than Talent

Something about professional sports brings out all the dog-fighting, child-eating, ear-biting lunatics. But is it really fair to mock a man for eating a human ear when that man also gave you your favorite childhood Nintendo game? Of course not. That's why I'm counting down only the athletes who had more crazy than they had talent.


A Book Of Insults Just For the UFC

The UFC has it's share of insecure douchebags. So if you're not the fighting type, this should do.


6 Reasons The NFL Is The Trashiest Reality Show on TV

While, most football fans consider the reality/soap world of shows like The Hills and celebrity gossip to be the gayest thing ever, deep down those worlds are a lot closer than you'd think.