Cracked Archive - Sex


13 Images That Prove Anything Can Be Made Sexual

Heck yeah, we'd use landlines again.


I Am A Professional 'Submissive' Sex Worker: 6 Realities

There's nothing technically illegal about getting paid to beat someone up with their permission, as long as you don't touch their gabbles.


5 Hard Truths About Butt Stuff (An In-Depth Investigation)

Assphyxia had a client who tried to work himself like a butter churn in between visits to see her. His weapon of choice was the wooden handle of his bathroom plunger.


The 15 Most Terrible Pieces Of Romantic Advice Ever

Poor Barbie had an awkward time explaining to Chelsea where she came from.


5 Reasons Threesomes Aren't As Awesome As You Think

Asking a couple if they would be amenable to you joining them for sex is awkward at best, and I've found even getting them to include you in dinner plans can be a hassle.


Grandma's Letters To Her Mysterious Time-Traveling Lover

I ache for you, Colby, and long to relive our time in the hayloft, and the potting shed, and the couch. I don't know why I mentioned the couch last.


6 Jaw-Dropping Sex Stories From Historical Myths

The gods, repulsed by Indra's full-body menstruation, undid his curse by turning all of the vaginas into eyes, which gave Indra his official title as the Thousand-Eyed God.


5 Ugly Things You Learn As A Sex Slave In The Modern World

Here's the reality: If you've paid for sex, there's a significant chance the person you were with was there against their will.


5 Super-Creepy Trends In Porn

I'm not here to mock other people's tastes, because I can feel the judging eyes of my Daria Morgendorffer body pillow from across the room.


5 Things You Learn About Sex As A Sex Therapist

For totally not-personal reasons, we found ourselves talking to Amber, a licensed sex therapist. Here's what she told us about human sex in general


The 4 Best Ways To Jerk Off (According To Science)

I have decided to put my very body on the line to help you, fellow jackers, determine just what is the best method of wanking.


10 Small Changes That Would Turn Classic Scenes Dirty

It turns out that some of the most iconic movie scenes in film history were perilously close to being overtly sexual, if only for a tiny change.


8 Seemingly Impossible Sex Positions Tested In Real Life

Man, did I ever take one for the team on this article.


6 Sex Toys Straight Out Of Your Nightmares

If you're reading this, then you have access to the Internet. Therefore, you've seen plenty of things which no mortal should ever see.


The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It

Mrs. Teachington's boobs flopped from side to side as she thanked Tommy for staying after class.