But the rhesus macaque takes male rivalry to incredibly dickish new levels. Imagine, if you will, that you're a dominant male macaque and you've just won a fight over the affections of a lady monkey. You take your well-earned reward right there in front of everyone, but just as you reach your climax and throw up your o-face, suddenly you have some shrieking monkey a*****e all over you, clawing at your eyes and biting your neck.
That's right, these monkeys have learned that the best time to attack a strong opponent is when he's at his most vulnerable: right at the point of orgasm.
The rhesus macaque's o-face is one of constant vigilance.
And this isn't just some hilarious coincidence some scientists saw once -- over half of all macaque sexual encounters end this way. Every time they start to get really into it, they know in the back of their monkey minds that they're putting a "beat the crap out of me" sign on their backs.
How do the sexing males keep falling for this? Apparently, the macaques have also mastered the art of bullshitting. According to researchers, a rival will sneak up to the coupling pair and "feign indifference by digging casually in the sand or pretending to collect handfuls of pebbles" until the moment is right.
"Mind if I stand suspiciously near your genitals and just, y'know, chill?"