Cracked Archive - News
'New York Times' Wants You To Stop Chilling With Your Loser Friends
Reinvigorate your 2021 social life by becoming a low-grade sociopath.
- Authors
- By Cedric Voets
- Published
- Comments
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11
11 Study: 25 Rainbow-Touting Companies Allegedly Donated $10 Million To Anti-LGBTQAI+ Lawmakers
Rainbow capitalism, folks!
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 23
Mama Duck Leads Ducklings on Bagel Adventure In NYC
You've heard of Pizza Rat, but are you ready for Bagel Duck?
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 3
Cops Allegedly Detain Fast Food Workers For Not Giving Them Free Burgers
Well, I guess that's one way to get arrested ...
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 25
Reminder: Baha Men Banger 'Who Let The Dogs Out' Is A Secret Feminist Banger
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 12
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7 Weird Details About That 'Mummy Cult' In The News
"Cult" is not a word to be thrown around lightly, but Love Has Won definitely checks off all of the boxes.
- Authors
- By Dan Fritschie
- Published
- Comments
- 12
Lorde's New Single 'Solar Power' Was Likely Inspired By Larry David's Vacation Home
Lorde Your Enthusiasm?
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 7
Ding-Dong Central Revs Up Over A Cicada On Biden's Shoulder
(cicada) screams internally.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 15
Velma Is East Asian In Mindy Kaling's New Scooby-Doo Spinoff, And Racists Are Being Crybabies About It
Ugh.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 68
How Scientology Allegedly Tried To Take Over A City In Florida
Oh dear Xenu.
- Authors
- By Zanandi Botes
- Published
- Comments
- 8
Attorney General Garland Says Investigating How ProPublica Obtained Billionaire Tax Data Is 'At The Top Of My List'
Priorities!
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 23
At Least 13 Indonesian McDonalds Locations Forced To Shutter Due To Popularity of BTS Meal
Fans may have a little too much love for the Boy(s) With Luv.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 14
Texas Rep. Asks If Government Agencies Can Change The Orbit of The Earth, The Moon, To Solve Climate Change
Uhhhhh, I don't think that's how that works.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 35
The New York Times Accidentally Publishes Story About Watermelons Growing On Mars
I want to believe ... in Martian fruit.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 2
Newsmax Says They Have No Plans To Hire Controversy-Embroiled Rep. Matt Gaetz
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
- Published
- Comments
- 19
